Which Turkey To Take

November 19th, 2015

The man had a tough choice to make
Which of the birds should he take?
Both turkeys looked good
But he thought that he should
Take the jenny instead of the jake.

(A jenny is a young female turkey.
A jake is a young male turkey.)


Making Believe

November 16th, 2015

There once was a gal named Jen-
Who was always playing pretend.
If you asked her for facts-
she’d say—“Just relax!”
“And play make believe with your friends.”

Thanks to Daniel Klawitter for this

He Loves Yellow

November 7th, 2015

There was an funny old fellow
Who loved the color bright yellow
But his coat was beige
That caused him to rage
He sat and started to mellow

Submitted by Mario Petralia

Trump’s Election Pledge

October 26th, 2015

Said Donald to voters, “I hear
That Mexican weather comes here.
So I’ll build up walls
To keep out the squalls
And post armed guards to keep the skies clear.”


Donald Trump Limerick – 2

October 26th, 2015

Said Donald, “This weather’s a pain,
from Mexico laden with rain.
Imagine the cost
and the property lost;
these migrants are clearly to blame.”


Allergic To Housework

October 24th, 2015

There was a young man from Dunkirk
Who was allergic to housework
He cleaned not a bit
Til Mum had a fit
Then a cleaner he did network

Submitted by Mario Petralia

Teenage Girls

October 14th, 2015

There once was a woman whose ears
Confirmed her very worst fears
Three girls in the back
Is like a stadium on crack
I either need earplugs or lots of beers!

Thanks to Cornelia Weissfloch

Asking For Directions

October 13th, 2015

There once was a lass named Maddie-
who discovered a talking cow patty
that she found in the pasture-
when it suddenly asked her:
“Which way is it to Cincinnati?”

Thanks to Daniel Klawitter for this one

Jeremy Corbyn Limerick

September 17th, 2015

Said Corbyn, “Stop raising a pong;
I haven’t done anything wrong.
Let’s keep it in mind
that most folk you find
just don’t know the words to the song.


Donald Trump Limerick

August 11th, 2015

Said Donald, “I may seem a loon,
An orange-haired, loudmouthed buffoon.
But it’s clear women’s moods
Swing much more than a dude’s
And depend on the phase of the moon.”


Port Seaton

August 3rd, 2015

There was a young man from port Seaton
Who would do nothing but greeting
He would cry all day
And his friends would say
Shut it or we’ll give you a beating

Jimmy McCurdie

Lord Sewel Limerick

July 29th, 2015

Over drinks in the House of Lords bar
It was mooted Lord Sewel went too far.
Any red-blooded bloke
May like harlots and coke –
But what’s with the bright orange bra?


A Greek Tragedy

July 15th, 2015

When too many euros you borrow,
The result can be heartbreak and sorrow.
So let us all learn,
Spending more than you earn
Leads to worry and trouble tomorrow.


Lewis Hamilton Limerick

April 29th, 2015

Said Lewis, whilst racing, “Wey-hey!
I’ve just got an increase in pay.
But isn’t it funny,
I get piles of money
for driving in circles all day?”

Paul Freeman

Jeremy Clarkson Limerick – 2

March 26th, 2015

Poor Jezza was in a foul mood,
when offered a plate of cold food.
Then blaming his crew,
the words and fists flew,
for which he may well end up sued.


Jeremy Clarkson Limerick

March 26th, 2015

Thought Clarkson, ‘It’s fun to let rip,
and punch someone straight in the lip.’
But it seems that this time
he’s crossed a red line,
so farewell, au revoir, toodle pip.


England’s Cricketing Debacle

March 10th, 2015

Alas, England’s cricketers slumped,
and out of the tourney were dumped.
And back home in Blighty,
a country once mighty
at cricket feels thoroughly stumped.



March 6th, 2015

A woman unable to sleep
who got so bored that she could weep
she tossed and turned
and the lesson she learned
is at night you can only count on sheep

Cornelia Weissfloch


March 6th, 2015

There once was a woman in awe
of all politicians she saw
I too want to talk
and walk the walk
And completely ignore the law!

Cornelia Weissfloch

Bankers Limerick

March 2nd, 2015

Some bankers have been rather lax,
helping customers fiddle their tax;
and when things got fraught,
to avoid getting caught,
they hurriedly covered their tracks.



March 1st, 2015

There once was a lady aghast
at how quickly time had passed
one day they walk
another they talk
and next their feet grow far too fast!

There once was a mother of twins
listening to the battle of kins
I’m going to kill you
I’ll kill you too
it’ll be lonely for the one who wins…

A lady with very loud kids
although she loved them to bits
she decided to act
it is now a fact
a bit of ducttape saves your wits!

Cornelia Weissfloch (Slightly edited to make them scan)

Weird Dress Limerick

March 1st, 2015

I’m wearing a weird kind of dress,
whose colours are tricky to guess.
And though risking rebuke,
I’ll admit that it’s puke –
from a dodgy fruit salad, no less.


Football Facists

February 22nd, 2015

Some Chelsea fans got on a train
in Paris and couldn’t refrain
from behaving like louts,
using vile racist shouts,
just to prove English thugs don’t have brains.



February 22nd, 2015

There once was a woman a little lost
About life, work , and the lack of frost
This is winter season
Without rhyme or reason
I need to feel miserably cold at all cost!

There once was a woman up high
About to give eloping a try
Snow is falling
The slopes are calling
I’m going skiing, goodbye!

There once was a woman so hairy
Even her husband found her scary
Get rid of the fluff
And the prickly stuff
It’s not a bear I wanted to marry!

Cornelia Weissfloch

Romantic Fish

December 23rd, 2014

A romantic trout, name of Blue,
Went to his girlfriend to woo:
She egged in the silt,
He squirted his milt,
Then asked,
“Was it good for you too?”

Another from Leonard G. Allmon

Canterbury Tales

December 23rd, 2014

At the Tabard, said Harry one day,
In a friendly and jocular way,
We’re in no real hurry
To reach Canterbury,
So let’s have some tales on the way.

Thanks to Leonard G. Allmon for this.

The Viking Who Went Down Under

December 17th, 2014

A Viking went sailing Down Under
and returned with some very strange plunder.
For who needs a roo
or a didgeridoo
in the land of Valhalla, I wonder.


Michael Phelps Limerick (2)

October 1st, 2014

Said Michael, “I barely could stand;
Thus I drove, so I ought to be banned.
In addition to which
I threw up in a ditch
And practised front crawl on dry land.



The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge Limerick

October 1st, 2014

In Cambridge, Prince William, the Duke,
Said, “My wife has been labelled a kook.
For when she’s with child,
Her stomach gets riled,
And everything’s covered in puke.”



July 26th, 2014

There once was a woman so white
one look at her legs and you might
be strongly advised
to close both your eyes
or altogether losing your sight!

There once was a woman so hot
her brain it did melt on the spot
She said “I need a pool
to to try and keep cool
but how to get there I forgot!”

Thanks to Cornelia Weissfloch for these