Not Sure;-)

May 29th, 2016

There once was a woman getting fatter
Who decided size didn’t matter
It’s either a measure
or pure pleasure
And I honestly prefer the latter!

Cornelia Weisfloch

Barack Obama Meets Britex

April 26th, 2016

Said Barack Obama, “Dear friends!”
In a speech that some folk think offends.
“Should you go it alone,
then you’d better not moan
if our Special Relationship ends.”

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Investment Blues Limerick

April 11th, 2016

In Panama rich people’s wealth
is suddenly not in good health.
So in future, to spare
your blushes, take care
and ‘invest’ with more cunning and stealth.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

More GOP Blues

March 29th, 2016

Said Donald, to Ted, over beers:
“If your wife’s lost her looks, have no fears.
I find it a doddle
to swap the old model
for a new one each five or six years.”

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Physical Beauty

March 11th, 2016

There once was a lady called Claire
who had the most beautiful pair
her friends were all green
with envy I mean
but her socks were the best to be fair

Thanks to Ben Mason for this

The GOP Blues

March 8th, 2016

Each GOP national debate
is a circus of insults and hate.
And with each PR blunder,
one can’t help but wonder
is this making America great?

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Post-South Carolina Limerick

February 24th, 2016

Trump came on the scene with a whoosh,
and harassed and harangued Mister Bush.
So to beat him may take
both a cross and sharp stake
now that Jeb has been given the push.

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Philosophy

February 21st, 2016

Fairy Cat furry philospher
has plenty of wisdom to offer
he looks at the sky
and wonders why
the world is so improper

From Anna Banasiak (slightly edited to make it scan)

South Carolina Limerick

February 11th, 2016

In South Carolina, Trump said:
“My opponents are weak in the head.
But if they should beat me
and dare to unseat me,
who cares if I shoot them all dead?”

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Tropicana Blues

February 1st, 2016

There was once was a lad named Ryan-
who dreamed of being Hawaiian.
But he was born an albino
somewhere in Cleveland, Ohio-
and was allergic to flowers on the islands.

Contributed by Daniel Klawitter

Oil Prices Plummet

January 28th, 2016

In Saudi a barrel of oil,
extracted from under the soil
is the source of much woe
for it’s currently low,
and is causing the King’s blood to boil.

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Snow

January 24th, 2016

There once was a woman pondering the sky
Who let out a very long sigh
All this snow
And no time to go
What’s the point of living up high?

From Cornelia Weisfloch

Santa Slayed

December 30th, 2015

At Christmas does Santa presume
the best way to enter a room
is down the smoke stack
with his swag in a sack?
In the States this could well spell his doom!

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Which Turkey To Take

November 19th, 2015

The man had a tough choice to make
Which of the birds should he take?
Both turkeys looked good
But he thought that he should
Take the jenny instead of the jake.

(A jenny is a young female turkey.
A jake is a young male turkey.)

http://nothingbutlimericks.blogspot.com/

Making Believe

November 16th, 2015

There once was a gal named Jen-
Who was always playing pretend.
If you asked her for facts-
she’d say—“Just relax!”
“And play make believe with your friends.”

Thanks to Daniel Klawitter for this

He Loves Yellow

November 7th, 2015

There was an funny old fellow
Who loved the color bright yellow
But his coat was beige
That caused him to rage
He sat and started to mellow

Submitted by Mario Petralia

Trump’s Election Pledge

October 26th, 2015

Said Donald to voters, “I hear
That Mexican weather comes here.
So I’ll build up walls
To keep out the squalls
And post armed guards to keep the skies clear.”

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Donald Trump Limerick – 2

October 26th, 2015

Said Donald, “This weather’s a pain,
from Mexico laden with rain.
Imagine the cost
and the property lost;
these migrants are clearly to blame.”

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Allergic To Housework

October 24th, 2015

There was a young man from Dunkirk
Who was allergic to housework
He cleaned not a bit
Til Mum had a fit
Then a cleaner he did network

Submitted by Mario Petralia

Teenage Girls

October 14th, 2015

There once was a woman whose ears
Confirmed her very worst fears
Three girls in the back
Is like a stadium on crack
I either need earplugs or lots of beers!

Thanks to Cornelia Weissfloch

Asking For Directions

October 13th, 2015

There once was a lass named Maddie-
who discovered a talking cow patty
that she found in the pasture-
when it suddenly asked her:
“Which way is it to Cincinnati?”

Thanks to Daniel Klawitter for this one

Jeremy Corbyn Limerick

September 17th, 2015

Said Corbyn, “Stop raising a pong;
I haven’t done anything wrong.
Let’s keep it in mind
that most folk you find
just don’t know the words to the song.

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Donald Trump Limerick

August 11th, 2015

Said Donald, “I may seem a loon,
An orange-haired, loudmouthed buffoon.
But it’s clear women’s moods
Swing much more than a dude’s
And depend on the phase of the moon.”

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Port Seaton

August 3rd, 2015

There was a young man from port Seaton
Who would do nothing but greeting
He would cry all day
And his friends would say
Shut it or we’ll give you a beating

Jimmy McCurdie

Lord Sewel Limerick

July 29th, 2015

Over drinks in the House of Lords bar
It was mooted Lord Sewel went too far.
Any red-blooded bloke
May like harlots and coke –
But what’s with the bright orange bra?

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A Greek Tragedy

July 15th, 2015

When too many euros you borrow,
The result can be heartbreak and sorrow.
So let us all learn,
Spending more than you earn
Leads to worry and trouble tomorrow.

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Lewis Hamilton Limerick

April 29th, 2015

Said Lewis, whilst racing, “Wey-hey!
I’ve just got an increase in pay.
But isn’t it funny,
I get piles of money
for driving in circles all day?”

Paul Freeman

Jeremy Clarkson Limerick – 2

March 26th, 2015

Poor Jezza was in a foul mood,
when offered a plate of cold food.
Then blaming his crew,
the words and fists flew,
for which he may well end up sued.

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Jeremy Clarkson Limerick

March 26th, 2015

Thought Clarkson, ‘It’s fun to let rip,
and punch someone straight in the lip.’
But it seems that this time
he’s crossed a red line,
so farewell, au revoir, toodle pip.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

England’s Cricketing Debacle

March 10th, 2015

Alas, England’s cricketers slumped,
and out of the tourney were dumped.
And back home in Blighty,
a country once mighty
at cricket feels thoroughly stumped.

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