World Cup Limerick 5

July 10th, 2014

The fans of a wretched Brazil
Watched Germany out for the kill.
But there’s one silver lining,
So stop all this whining -
At least it was not twenty nil.

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Luis Suarez Limerick 2

June 26th, 2014

Said Suarez: “The Press call me ‘Lecter’,
Like some kind of man-eating spectre.
Which may well be true,
Coz between me and you,
I find folk as tasty as nectar.”

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Luis Suarez Limerick 1

June 26th, 2014

Said Suarez, “Who needs a medallion,
When my appetite’s that of a stallion.
So forget the World Cup,
For I’d rather sup
On the neck of a juicy Italian.”

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World Cup Limerick 2 – Spain v Holland

June 15th, 2014

The Spaniards believed they would slay
The Dutch, or else hold them at bay.
But the Netherlands team
Were ruling supreme
And shouted out, five times, “Olé!”

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World Cup Limerick 1 – Brazil v Croatia

June 15th, 2014

Brazilians couldn’t abide
A loss that would dent national pride.
So winning was sealed
With twelve men on the field,
Including the ref on their side.

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Kim Kardashian Limerick

May 26th, 2014

Queen Kim, at an interview, said:
“My equal I’ve found, so we’ve wed.
But unlike you sad plebs,
We are famous celebs,
Though we’re both rather crass and ill-bred.”

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Kanye West Limerick

May 25th, 2014

Said ‘modest’ new groom, Kanye West:
“My wedding was simply the best.
So if uninvited,
Just count yourself slighted,
And if on the guest list, feel blessed.”

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Beyonce Limerick

May 18th, 2014

Beyonce did not appear miffed
When her sister went ape in a lift.
And we’re all asking, “Why
Would she calmly stand by
And watch as her husband got biffed?”

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Bob Hoskins Limerick

May 7th, 2014

Bob Hoskins was famously frank
’bout his films- if they’re good or they’re rank.
And in line with this habit,
he liked Roger Rabbit,
but Mario Brothers – they stank!

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Medieval Plucked Eyebrows Limerick!

March 23rd, 2014

A uni-browed maiden once sucked
in her breath as her eyebrows got plucked.
“But without this,” she said,
“a damsel can’t wed,
for her chances of marriage are … not very good.”

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Jack Warner Limerick

March 18th, 2014

Jack Warner said, “Though it sounds lame,
it’s not really me you should blame.
For who can say ‘No!’
to a mountain of dough?
It’s just part of ‘The Beautiful Game’.”

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http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/news/world-cup-paper-round-fifa-official-warner-paid-023654475–sow.html

Toni Duggan Limerick

March 13th, 2014

Said Toni: “I play in attack,
and the fight against racists I back.
So folks, why complain,
if to aid the campaign,
I learn how it feels to be black?”

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http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/blogs/early-doors/kick-ambassador-sorry-blacking-fancy-dress-party-132906248.html?bcmt_s=m#ugccmt-container

Mr Putin Limerick 1

March 13th, 2014

Said Vladimir, “Folk in Ukraine
are proving a bit of a pain.
So to reinstate order,
I’m crossing the border
and may carry on through to Spain.”

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St. Valentine’s Day Limerick

February 15th, 2014

St. Valentine’s Day can be bliss,
as long a man’s not remiss.
For buying a present
ensures the night’s pleasant,
with more than a cuddle and kiss.

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Save A Life – Donate Blood Today

February 13th, 2014

Donating blood is quite easy
They give you a ball that is squeezy
It always seems fun
(At least when you’re done)
Only once did it make me feel queasy!

nothingbutlimericks.blogspot.com

Secret Uses Of Lemon Jellow

February 12th, 2014

Pete was a very odd fellow
He loved to make lemon jello
But he did not savor
The stuff for its flavor -
He used it to paint his house yellow.

nothingbutlimericks.blogspot.com

When Changing A Diaper

February 11th, 2014

When changing a two-year-old’s diaper
You must be a diligent wiper
If you don’t get it clean
You’ll see what I mean
The smell will get riper and riper.

nothingbutlimericks.blogspot.com

Sochi Winter Olympics Limerick 1

February 10th, 2014

Said Jenny, “Third place! What a thrill!
To snowboard in Sochi was brill.
And at age thirty-three,
You’ll have to agree,
I’ve proved I’m not over the hill.”

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http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/news/olympic-games-brits-sochi-jones-medal-39-boost-175611798–spt.html

There was a versemonger G. Black

February 9th, 2014

There was a versemonger G. Black
Who was totally taken aback
Upon learning that rhymes
Can be female sometimes,
Which fact prompted his smuttiest crack.

Submitted by Vikshev

Harry Potter Limerick

February 2nd, 2014

Said JK: “You might well have read
that Ron and Miss Granger got wed.
In the re-write I’ll marry
off Granger and Harry,
and maybe I won’t kill off Fred.

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http://uk.news.yahoo.com/hermione-married-harry-potter-rowling-admits-010027462.html#W8tEFKh

JB3 Limerick

January 30th, 2014

Said Justin: “Hey, baby, don’t fret.
I’ll defeat this petition, no sweat.
For the Yankies are greedy
and in the end need me
to lower their national debt.”

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http://uk.omg.yahoo.com/gossip/the-juice/justin-bieber-may-face-deportation-thousands-sign-online-petition-send-back-canada-180034262.html

Blue Diamond Limerick

January 22nd, 2014

The miner felt bitter and glum
for the diamond was worth quite a sum.
But what use if you dig
up a diamond so big
that it can’t be concealed … by your mum.

http://uk.finance.yahoo.com/news/blue-diamond-39-worth-tens-millions-39-discovered-051915865.html

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JB2 Limerick

January 22nd, 2014

Said Justin: “I just had to go.
So I unzipped to pee in the snow.
Then using my wee,
I wrote out ‘JB’
By swinging my $@%”>$@%& to and fro.”

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JB Limerick

January 17th, 2014

Said Justin: “I had such a ball
throwing eggs at my neighbour’s front wall.
But when the cops found
drugs were lying around
in my house, someone else took the fall.”

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Troll Limerick

January 12th, 2014

Said Eddie, a beer-swilling bum,
“I’m friendless – not even one chum!
I’m a talentless troll,
with ten years on the dole,
and I even reside with my mum.”

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Rudolph Limerick

January 4th, 2014

Said Rudolph: “I busted a gut,
while Santa was whipping my butt.
Yet now I’m in clover,
for Christmas is over,
which means I’ve got twelve months to rut.”

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Miley Cyrus Limerick

January 2nd, 2014

Said Miley: “I’ve many a quirk,
and some say I act like a jerk.
But between you and me
the fans like to see
a tongue hanging out and a twerk.”

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Lady Godiva Limerick

December 17th, 2013

Said Lady Godiva, “Take heed
and don’t ride in the nude on a steed;
for the skin of young maids,
gets chaffed and abrades,
causing much saddle-soreness indeed.”

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Anchorman 2 Limerick

December 17th, 2013

Will Ferrell announced: “Kayne West,
appeared in my film as a guest.
But he had a big head,
like my own, so I said,
‘Get off of my film set, you pest.’”

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/kanye-west-made–total-nuisance-of-himself–in-anchorman-set-075423931.html

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Holiday Romance

October 15th, 2013

Whilst holidaying out in Majorca
I met a girl she was a corker
She mentioned the fact
that she didn’t do that
Into which I was trying to talk her (but she did)

Thanks to Alan Grant for this one