Medieval Plucked Eyebrows Limerick!

March 23rd, 2014

A uni-browed maiden once sucked
in her breath as her eyebrows got plucked.
“But without this,” she said,
“a damsel can’t wed,
for her chances of marriage are … not very good.”

Jack Warner Limerick

March 18th, 2014

Jack Warner said, “Though it sounds lame,
it’s not really me you should blame.
For who can say ‘No!’
to a mountain of dough?
It’s just part of ‘The Beautiful Game’.”–sow.html

Toni Duggan Limerick

March 13th, 2014

Said Toni: “I play in attack,
and the fight against racists I back.
So folks, why complain,
if to aid the campaign,
I learn how it feels to be black?”

Mr Putin Limerick 1

March 13th, 2014

Said Vladimir, “Folk in Ukraine
are proving a bit of a pain.
So to reinstate order,
I’m crossing the border
and may carry on through to Spain.”

St. Valentine’s Day Limerick

February 15th, 2014

St. Valentine’s Day can be bliss,
as long a man’s not remiss.
For buying a present
ensures the night’s pleasant,
with more than a cuddle and kiss.

Save A Life – Donate Blood Today

February 13th, 2014

Donating blood is quite easy
They give you a ball that is squeezy
It always seems fun
(At least when you’re done)
Only once did it make me feel queasy!

Secret Uses Of Lemon Jellow

February 12th, 2014

Pete was a very odd fellow
He loved to make lemon jello
But he did not savor
The stuff for its flavor -
He used it to paint his house yellow.

When Changing A Diaper

February 11th, 2014

When changing a two-year-old’s diaper
You must be a diligent wiper
If you don’t get it clean
You’ll see what I mean
The smell will get riper and riper.

Sochi Winter Olympics Limerick 1

February 10th, 2014

Said Jenny, “Third place! What a thrill!
To snowboard in Sochi was brill.
And at age thirty-three,
You’ll have to agree,
I’ve proved I’m not over the hill.”–spt.html

There was a versemonger G. Black

February 9th, 2014

There was a versemonger G. Black
Who was totally taken aback
Upon learning that rhymes
Can be female sometimes,
Which fact prompted his smuttiest crack.

Submitted by Vikshev

Harry Potter Limerick

February 2nd, 2014

Said JK: “You might well have read
that Ron and Miss Granger got wed.
In the re-write I’ll marry
off Granger and Harry,
and maybe I won’t kill off Fred.

JB3 Limerick

January 30th, 2014

Said Justin: “Hey, baby, don’t fret.
I’ll defeat this petition, no sweat.
For the Yankies are greedy
and in the end need me
to lower their national debt.”

Blue Diamond Limerick

January 22nd, 2014

The miner felt bitter and glum
for the diamond was worth quite a sum.
But what use if you dig
up a diamond so big
that it can’t be concealed … by your mum.

JB2 Limerick

January 22nd, 2014

Said Justin: “I just had to go.
So I unzipped to pee in the snow.
Then using my wee,
I wrote out ‘JB’
By swinging my $@%”>$@%& to and fro.”

JB Limerick

January 17th, 2014

Said Justin: “I had such a ball
throwing eggs at my neighbour’s front wall.
But when the cops found
drugs were lying around
in my house, someone else took the fall.”

Troll Limerick

January 12th, 2014

Said Eddie, a beer-swilling bum,
“I’m friendless – not even one chum!
I’m a talentless troll,
with ten years on the dole,
and I even reside with my mum.”

Rudolph Limerick

January 4th, 2014

Said Rudolph: “I busted a gut,
while Santa was whipping my butt.
Yet now I’m in clover,
for Christmas is over,
which means I’ve got twelve months to rut.”

Miley Cyrus Limerick

January 2nd, 2014

Said Miley: “I’ve many a quirk,
and some say I act like a jerk.
But between you and me
the fans like to see
a tongue hanging out and a twerk.”

Lady Godiva Limerick

December 17th, 2013

Said Lady Godiva, “Take heed
and don’t ride in the nude on a steed;
for the skin of young maids,
gets chaffed and abrades,
causing much saddle-soreness indeed.”

Anchorman 2 Limerick

December 17th, 2013

Will Ferrell announced: “Kayne West,
appeared in my film as a guest.
But he had a big head,
like my own, so I said,
‘Get off of my film set, you pest.’”–total-nuisance-of-himself–in-anchorman-set-075423931.html

Holiday Romance

October 15th, 2013

Whilst holidaying out in Majorca
I met a girl she was a corker
She mentioned the fact
that she didn’t do that
Into which I was trying to talk her (but she did)

Thanks to Alan Grant for this one

Wayne Rooney Limerick (2)

August 7th, 2013

Said Rooney: “Some call me a brat;
a greedy and treacherous rat.”
But why should I care
if I drive the fans spare
as long as my wallet is fat?

Gareth Bale Limerick

August 2nd, 2013

A young footie player named Bale
was put up by Tott’nham for sale.
But for charging a bill
of a hundred plus mill?
Mr Levy, you should be in jail!

Duellist Limerick

July 17th, 2013

A fencer was famous for duels
that broke sev’ral chivalrous rules;
he brought about sorrow
through swordplay like Zorro
by slicing off rivals’ crown jewels.

For my Wife on her Birthday !

June 24th, 2013

It’s your birthday! (Cue trumpet and drum)
So I’ve bought you a fresh, juicy plum.
That’s because I have found,
being both firm and round,
it reminds me a lot of your bum.

The Man From Ealing

June 19th, 2013

There once was a young man from Ealing
Who liked to hang from the ceiling
He could not wear a hat
But he hangs like a bat
And it certainly was a good feeling

Submitted by Jordan

Cheese Limerick

May 28th, 2013

We were running and jumping like fleas,
downhill in pursuit of a cheese.
Then I suddenly stumbled,
and headfirst I tumbled,
which fractured my elbows and knees.

Limericks For The Paranoid (1)

May 9th, 2013

There was a weird lady called Pat
who lived in a world she thought flat;
where the tenders of bars
were from Venus and Mars,
and where God would pop round for a chat.

Suarez Limerick

April 26th, 2013

Said Suarez, “I pecked like a hawk
through the lack of a knife and a fork.”
Then he told the FA,
“It’s true what they say,
that a person tastes somewhat like pork.”

Tiger Woods Limerick

March 26th, 2013

We thought Tiger Woods, the old nutter,
had consigned his career to the gutter.
But he seems to have learned,
(though his fingers got burned)
how to shoot straight and true with his ‘putter’.