Shutdown Limerick

January 27th, 2019

Said Trump: “I was having a ball
with the shutdown to build me a wall.
But now it’s a race,
to stop losing face,
so it may end up just one foot tall.”

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Naked Dining Limerick

January 10th, 2019

A restaurant serving up food
for diners who ate in the nude,
went bust when they saw
I had walked through the door,
and everyone eating there spewed.

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Primordial Planetesimal Limerick

January 4th, 2019

As deep into space Mankind goes,
a weird looking object arose;
and I must theorise
from its shape and its size,
it’s a booger sneezed out of God’s nose.

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Christmas Dinner Limerick

December 30th, 2018

At Christmas a guest often pouts
when the table at dinner time touts
not the turkey – that’s fine!
nor roast tatties – divine!
but a mountain of foul-smelling sprouts.

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Return To Negotiations Limerick

December 13th, 2018

To Europe, where May showed some pluck,
though the door to her limo got stuck;
this seemed quite symbolic,
since Brexit’s shambolic,
of a country that’s mired in the muck.

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Whitehall Fracas Limerick

December 12th, 2018

In the Chamber ’twas such a disgrace
when somebody high-jacked the mace;
and once he’d abused it
they should then have used it
to wallop the chap in the face.

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O2 Outage Limerick

December 9th, 2018

I shouldn’t have chosen O2,
the service provided is poo,
for I wish to refrain
from engaging my brain,
which an outage of wifi can do.

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Trump Photo-Op Limerick

December 3rd, 2018

“Sharing stages with dumb heads of state
for photos,” says Donald, “can wait.
So rather than linger,
I’ll give them the finger,
since sharing is something I hate.”

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-marches-off-g20-stage-084300474.html

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Christmas Dinner Limerick

December 1st, 2018

Christmas dinner will be rather tame;
I’ve turned vegan, so I am to blame.
No more flesh of turkey,
Nor of Pinky and Perky;
Instead, tofu cutlets – how lame!

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Brexit Forecast Limerick

November 29th, 2018

We munch on our scones and sip tea,
and wonder how Brexit will be.
So it’s lucky this pile
of rocks is an isle,
for we’re bound to end up all at sea.

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M & S Window Display Limerick

November 21st, 2018

While one group of activists bickers,
and another group childishly snickers,
we ask M&S
to undo their mess
and instantly take down their knickers.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-46279172

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New Press Conference rules

November 17th, 2018

“Reporters,” said Sarah, “must stop,
catching President Trump on the hop;
so on Press Conference days
keep your voice full of praise
or he’ll pout and walk out in a strop.”

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Rain Man

November 16th, 2018

Said Donald: “I have a great flair
at milking publicity’s glare.
So the last thing I crave
is to visit some grave
in a downpour that mucks up my hair.”

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Samantha Markle Limerick

October 8th, 2018

Said Samantha: “The nuptial bash
of my sister was absolute trash;
for papa and myself
were left on the shelf
when we’d hoped to make oodles of cash.”

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Crib Note For Donald

August 27th, 2018

Top left, there’s an oblong that’s blue;
add to this fifty stars, white in hue.
Then to offset the stars,
longitudinal bars,
six white, seven red, straight and true.

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Putin – Trump Summit Limerick

July 16th, 2018

Said Donald, “My dear, darling Poots,
Perhaps we could wear matching suits;
and then, with my tongue,
once your praises I’ve sung,
I’ll happily lick clean your boots.”

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World Cup Limerick – 11

July 16th, 2018

The Three Lions’ loss was a wrench;
for the final we sat on the bench.
But once all is told,
fortune favours the bold,
so congrats to the fabulous French.

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Trump In Britain Limerick

July 14th, 2018

At Windsor, the Donald, I see,
is meeting the Queen as the key
to a national trade deal,
though it seems most Brits feel
they’d rather she spat in his tea.

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World Cup Limerick – 10

July 14th, 2018

Though England’s World Cup run’s a boon,
with the rarity of a blue moon,
it has to be said,
our dreams are now dead,
and it will not be coming home soon.

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World Cup Limerick – 9

July 10th, 2018

So England are in the last four,
and we’ve now heard the three lions roar.
So come Wednesday night
we hope for the sight
of them showing the Croats the door.

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World Cup Limerick – 8

July 6th, 2018

When the England team got on their bus,
they started to swear and to cuss.
For Colombian flair
had proven unfair
and won them more Oscars than us.

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Litterate Prezidant Limmarik

July 6th, 2018

Mi righting scills offen kreate
much jelasy, envey and hayte.
So inn sbite of thoz terds
hoo put doun my werds,
isle still mayk Amerika grate.

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World Cup Limerick – 7

July 6th, 2018

Alas! It seems Neymar’s laid low;
to Brazil’s World Cup hopes it’s a blow;
and there’s palpable fear
he’ll be out for a year –
for he’s just gone and stubbed his big toe.

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Weird Asteroid Limerick

July 2nd, 2018

The ast’roid that left us agog
looked like something that floats in the bog.
So perhaps from the loo
of the Enterprise crew
what we saw was the famed ‘Captain’s log’.

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World Cup Limerick – 6

July 2nd, 2018

The French match brought copious tears
to the Argentine players whose fears
of a loss came to pass,
so we all raised a glass
in England and broke out the beers.

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World Cup Limerick – 5

June 30th, 2018

The Belgians, they beat us one-nil,
which might seem the bitterest pill;
yet it opens the door
to an easier draw
where we won’t be the grist to the mill.

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World Cup Limerick – 4

June 30th, 2018

The German’s were very hard put
‘gainst Korea, always on the wrong foot.
So alas, at full time,
coz they weren’t at their prime,
their World Cup campaign was kaput.

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World Cup Limerick – 3

June 26th, 2018

The England team’s strength was imposed,
and poor Panama duly disposed.
Then because they got trounced,
they quickly announced:
“The canal, to the British, is closed.”

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Father’s Day Limerick

June 18th, 2018

It’s long been an annual fad
for every lassie and lad
to send out a card,
so from this humble bard
I say, “Thank you for being my dad.”

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World Cup Limerick – 2

June 17th, 2018

The World Cup’s grand op’ning was heard
‘cross the world, though a strange thing occurred.
while performing with flair,
with his show live on air,
Robbie Williams flipped us the bird.

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