Archive for September, 2008

Manners

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

There was a young lady from Tottenham
Had no manners or else she’d forgotten them
Whilst at tea at the vicars
She threw off her knickers
Exclaiming she felt far too hot in ’em

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Here Is The Gnus

Monday, September 29th, 2008

One day I went to the zoo
For I wanted to see the old gnu
But the old gnu was dead
And the new gnu, they said
Was too new a new gnu to view

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Unduly Worried

Sunday, September 28th, 2008

There was a young lady from Beaulieu
Who always worried unduly
She asked “Is it better
To finish a letter
With ‘Faithfully Yours’ or ‘Yours truly’?”

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Fancy Dress

Saturday, September 27th, 2008

There once was a young man named Paul
Who went to a fancy dress ball
He thought he would risk it
And go as a biscuit
But, a dog ate him up in the hall

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Arthritis

Friday, September 26th, 2008

There’s an arthritic lady in Fakenham
Whose joints have a worsening ache in ’em
Her pain level’s rising
Which isn’t surprising
She’s got pills but hasn’t been taking em

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Hot Turkey

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

I once had a turkey named Fred
Who demanded his meals served in bed
He had his own way
Until Christmas Day
When Fred became dinner instead

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The Young Curate

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

There was a young curate from Kew
Who kept a tom cat in a pew
He taught it to speak
Alphabetical Greek
But it never got further than Mu

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The Old Man From Calcutta

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

There was an old man of Calcutta,
Who coated his tonsils with butter
Thus converting his snore
From a thunderous roar
To a soft and melodious mutter

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The Bear

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

There once was a bear at the zoo
Who always had something to do
When it bored him, you know
To go to and fro,
He reversed it and went fro and to

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Grin :-)

Sunday, September 21st, 2008

There was a young man from Lenore,
Whose mouth was as wide as a door
While attempting to grin
He slipped and fell in
And laid inside out on the floor

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Who Died?

Saturday, September 20th, 2008

There once was a fellow named Clyde
Who went to a funeral and cried
When asked who was dead
He just stammered and said
I don’t know, I just came for the ride

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Quiet

Friday, September 19th, 2008

There was a young man named Wyatt
Whose voice was exceedingly quiet
And then one day
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Thin Lynn

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so incredibly thin
That when she assayed
To drink lemonade
She slipped through the straw and fell in

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The Young Maid

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

A maid mused as she ate some quince
The men I meet just make me wince
Just answer me this
How many frogs must I kiss
Before I marry a prince

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

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The Beetle

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

For years my Beetle did roam
So shiny and covered with chrome
On the day that it died
I wept and I cried
Now she’s parked at the old Volks home

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Overweight?

Monday, September 15th, 2008

In Paris lives Madame du Bois
Who weighs thousands in avoirdupois
On account of her weight
She’s re-classified ‘freight’
When she travels by train to Charleroi

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The Hedgehog

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

There once was a hedgehog called Luck
And into the garden he snuck
He waited all night
Til’ the time was just right
Then jumped out and got hit by a truck

Teddy

Saturday, September 13th, 2008

There once was a young bear named Gee
Who got himself caught in a tree
As much as he wiggled
As much as he jiggled
He just could not get himself free

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Biker

Friday, September 12th, 2008

At 16 I sighed as I hoped
For a bike like a Harley I groped
In my pocket for cash
And bought something less flash
Then I sat on my moped and moped

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Knowledge

Thursday, September 11th, 2008

There once was an old man of Esser
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he’s a college professor

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Tight Jeans

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

There once was a young man from Shoreham
Who bought some tight jeans and he wore em
He stooped then he laughed
Then he felt quite a draft
Cos he knew just where he had tore them

Global Warming

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

Global warming is happening they say
But it’s obviously not here today
It’s blowing a gale
With high winds and hail
There must be some sort of delay

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

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All Terrain

Monday, September 8th, 2008

The one thing I really do like
Is riding my all terrain bike
But sometimes I cough
And then I fall off
I’m thinking of getting a trike

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

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Big Ears

Sunday, September 7th, 2008

A young man who flew to Algiers
By flapping his very large ears
The crowd were aghast
As they were so vast
And it had the amirs all in tears

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

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The Lady Artist

Saturday, September 6th, 2008

There was a young lady from Stroud,
Whose artistic skills did her proud
She thought it’s not rude
To paint in the nude
And she soon drew a sizeable crowd

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Mad

Saturday, September 6th, 2008

They was an old man from Calcutta
Who everyone thought was a nutter
He said “Think I’m mad ?
You should see my dad
He cleans out his ears with a putter”

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

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Thin

Friday, September 5th, 2008

There once was a young man called Jones
Who was so thin, well just skin and bones
He never would eat
His three veg and meat
When they’re put on his plate he just moans

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

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Electric

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

There once was a fellow called Crocket
Who put his big toe in a socket
Along came a witch
Who flicked on the switch
Poor Crocket took off like a rocket

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Apples Can Be Bad For You

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

There was a young lady who tried
A diet of apples and died
The unfortunate miss
Sadly perished of this
Having too much cider inside

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Prudish

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

There was a young lady from Stroud
Who was such an absolute prude
She pulled down the blind
When changing her mind
Lest a curious eye should intrude

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