Archive for April, 2009

Lor The Bore

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

There once was a boy named Lor,
Who lived on the fifty-fourth floor,
He read some books
And altered his looks
Now Lor’s a total bore

Submitted by Tracy Almeida

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Singing Young Lady

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

There was a young lady called Bingham,
Who knew many songs, and could sing ’em,
But she couldn’t mend hose,
And she wouldn’t wash clothes,
Or help her old mother to wring ’em.

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The Old Lady From Rye

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

There was an old lady of Rye,
Who was baked by mistake in a pie,
To the household’s disgust
She emerged through the crust,
And exclaimed, with a yawn, “Where am I?”

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Mary Had A Little Goat

Monday, April 27th, 2009

Mary had a little goat
That was full of whims and humors;
Old bills and paste
Were quite his taste.
But he choked on Mary’s bloomers.

Not a limerick, but I thought it was funny 🙂

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The Ape’s Cape

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

There once was a wonderful ape,
Who gave up his skin for a cape.
Now he swings in the trees,
All exposed to the breeze,
Which leaves him in very bad shape.

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Flat Hat

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

There was a young fellow who sat
Quite thoughtlessly flat on his hat.
He reposed there a while
And so altered its style,
That he uses it now for a mat.

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The Meter Reader

Friday, April 24th, 2009

A decrepit old gas man named Peter,
While hunting around for the meter,
Touched a leak with his light,
He arose out of sight,
And, as anyone can see by reading this, it also destroyed the meter.

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Canned

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

There once was a girl named Anne Van
She thought she could fit in a can
She gave it a luck
And then she got stuck
Now she thinks she can fit in a pan

Submitted by Sneha Patel

Musical Carp

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

There once was a corpulent carp,
Who wanted to play on a harp,
But to his chagrin,
So short was his fin
That he couldn’t reach up to C sharp.

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Green Fruit

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

An young boy who lived just near Bute,
Voraciously ate some green fruit,
The doctor was ‘phoned,
The little boy moaned,
With pains in his stomach acute.

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The Smile Of The Shark

Monday, April 20th, 2009

There was an old shark with a smile
So broad you could see it a mile,
He said to his friends
As he sewed up the ends,
“It’s really too wide for the style.”

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The Rheumatic Old Man

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

A rheumatic old man name of Baines,
Who will never stay in when it rains,
Has a home full of drugs,
Kept in little brown jugs –
That’s all that he gets for his pains.

The Brainless King

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

A king who began on his reign,
Exclaimed with a feeling of pain,
“Though I’m legally heir,
No one seems to care
That I haven’t been born with a brain.”

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Maud The Fraud

Friday, April 17th, 2009

There was a young lady named Maud,
At slimming was really fraud.
She never was able
To eat at the table,
But out in the pantry Oh, Lord!

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The Old Maid From Sag Harbor

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

A little old maid at Sag Harbor,
Takes her meals in the shade of an arbor,
With her forty pet cats,
And her French poodle, “Rats,”
Which is shaved once a week by a barber.

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Lost Yacht

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

A man who was steering a yacht,
His course through the water forgot,
And he stuck in the mud
With a dull, sickening thud,
And the captain then swore a whole lot.

Mrs Foster

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

A young woman called Mrs Foster,
Set out on a visit to Gloucester,
She traveled all day
In a roundabout way,
And nobody knew what it cost her.

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Dumb Cholmondeley

Monday, April 13th, 2009

There was a young chap named Cholmondeley,
Who always at dinner sat dumbly.
His fair partner said,
As he crumbled his bread,
“Dear me! you behave very rummly!”

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Bored Maude

Sunday, April 12th, 2009

There was a young lady named Maude,
Who said she was “awfully bored,”
For all men she hated,
Both single and mated
But in the dark corners Good Lord!!

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Portrait Of A Lady

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

The wish of a lady called Hoover
Was to get her portrait in the Louvre ;
But they sent it away
On the very first day
And it’s now in a bin in Vancouver.

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Tennis Eggs

Friday, April 10th, 2009

There was a young lady of Venice,
Who used hard-boiled eggs to play tennis.
When they cried, ” You are wrong ! ”
She replied, “Go along
You don’t know how prolific my hen is.”

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Wiltshire Maid

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

There once was a maiden from Wilts,
Who walked all through Scotland on stilts.
When they said, ” Oh, how shocking,
To see so much stocking!
She said, “What about you and your kilts?”

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Wailing Rabbit

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

A lady once had a bad habit:
She couldn’t see cheese but she’d nab it.
She said, ” Memory fails
Is the rabbit from Wales?
Or do the wails come from the rabbit?

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Crepe Trousers

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

There was a young man from the Cape,
Who wore trousers of paper crepe.
When asked, “Do they tear?”
He replied, “Here and there
But they keep such a wonderful shape.”

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The Siamese Maiden

Monday, April 6th, 2009

There was a fair maiden of Siam,
Who said to her lover, ” O Priam,
You may kiss me, of course,
But you’ve got to use force
And, God knows, you’re Stronger than I am!

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The Holy Abbess

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

An Abbess whom all did admire,
To holiness much did aspire.
When asked to a ball,
She replied, “Not at all;
I’ve another engagement that’s Prior.”

Julie & Patchouli

Saturday, April 4th, 2009

There was a young lady named Julie,
Who was terribly fond of patchouli;
She used bottles seven,
‘Til she smelt up to heaven,
Which made all the angels unruly.

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The Spanish Grandee

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

A Spanish grandee of Havana,
Who slipped on a skin of banana,
Came down in the mud
With a dull, sickening thud,
While the band played, “The Star Spangled Banner.”

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Pony Ride

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

There was a young lass called Mahoney,
Who went for a ride on a pony,
But alas! and alack!
She fell off his back,
In a place that was muddy and stony.

The Old Maiden

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

There was an old maiden named White,
Who slept in pajamas one night,
As she happened to pass
Near a large looking-glass,
She exclaimed, “There’s a man!” in delight.

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