Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

North Korean Diplomacy Limerick

Friday, November 10th, 2017

Said Trump: “Kim Jong Un, here’s the rub;
you’re a backwater, we are a hub.
So show me respect,
or Pyongyang will be wrecked
because I have a nuclear sub.”

Halloween Limerick

Wednesday, November 1st, 2017

If you go out this Halloween night,
you’re certain to suffer a fright,
for ogres are romping,
the werewolves are chomping
and Dracula’s out for a bite.

Ryanair Limerick

Sunday, September 17th, 2017

When Ryanair offers you deals,
you pay extra for drinks and for meals.
But it seems from today
that the tariffs you pay
don’t suffice to afford enough wheels.

Kim Jong-Un Limerick #2

Wednesday, September 13th, 2017

Putting on his inscrutable charm,
Kim Jong-Un says: “I mean no one harm;
but if sanctions remain,
I’ll no longer refrain
from nuking the s#@$ out of Guam.”

X Factor Limerick

Sunday, September 3rd, 2017

The X Factor makes us all think
that of stardom we’re all on the brink.
But when testing the power
of your voice in the shower,
The truth is you probably stink.

Trump Mad(?) Limerick

Saturday, September 2nd, 2017

The polls say that Trump is insane,
that there’s something awry with his brain;
and while Hillary gloats,
the men in white coats
plan to end the mad emperor’s reign.

Dr Watson Limerick

Saturday, September 2nd, 2017

Poor Watson had just drawn a blank
on what poison Sir Marmaduke drank.
Said Holmes: “But it’s clear
from his discoloured ear.
Good God, man! You’re thick as a plank!”

Hercule Poirot Limerick

Thursday, August 31st, 2017

When Hercule Poirot finds a clue,
it’s a day that the killer will rue;
for his little grey cells,
resonating like bells,
tell him when, what and why, how and who.

Inspector Morse Limerick

Tuesday, August 29th, 2017

Morse likes things in life that are fine,
like grand restaurants where he can dine.
He might even find time
to solve the odd crime
Once he’s finished his bottle of wine.

Miss Marple Limerick

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

Miss Marple, the sprightly old hound,
ensures that the culprits are found.
But the cops, who aren’t happy
because they look dappy,
would prefer her six feet underground.

Sherlock Holmes Limerick

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2017

“It’s most element’ry,” cried Holmes,
“why the roofs of these mushrooms are domes.”
And then dropped the penny,
he’d had one pipe too many,
when he added: “‘Coz inside live gnomes.”

Kim Jong Un Limerick

Monday, August 7th, 2017

Kim Jong Un is a tyrant with flair,
who has left the U.S. in despair;
but the world knows him best
for his ‘XXL’ chest
and the curious state of his hair.

Dr Who Limerick

Tuesday, July 18th, 2017

The new Time Lord’s quite a surprise;
she’ll emerge once the Scottish one dies.
But I warn you, refrain,
from the urge to complain,
or the Doctor will scratch out your eyes.

Michael Bond Limerick

Thursday, June 29th, 2017

As creator of Paddington Bear,
Michael Bond was a writer with flair.
And he’s now in that place
of eternal good grace
where there’s marmalade sarnies to spare.

John Noakes Limerick

Monday, May 29th, 2017

“Down Shep” John Noakes often would say
which kept his dog calm and at bay.
But the phrase we liked most
from the Blue Peter host
was: “Here’s one I made earlier today.”

Russian Collusion (?) Limerick

Sunday, May 28th, 2017

Trump’s party, it seems, got ahead
by being with Russia in bed;
and for those with an eye,
this may explain why
the Republican colour is red.

Roger Moore Limerick

Wednesday, May 24th, 2017

Of Roger Moore we were all fond;
the most famous spy’s mantle he donned.
And what can be sweeter
than telling St. Peter
“The name, my dear fellow, is Bond.”

Russian Backing Limerick

Sunday, May 21st, 2017

The Russians successfully hacked
the election, and Donald they backed;
but all went awry
when Flynn, their new guy,
inauspiciously found himself sacked.

Trump Saudi Visit

Sunday, May 21st, 2017

“The ban on all Muslims is lifted,”
said Donald, as policy shifted.
“For it keeps people’s minds
off embarrassing finds,
while our Russian connections are sifted.

Donald The Puppet Limerick

Tuesday, May 16th, 2017

The Trump should be put out to grass,
since diplomacy’s tests he can’t pass.
For if he’s not tamed,
I foresee he’ll be named
a hero of Russia, first class.

100+ Days Limerick

Saturday, May 13th, 2017

The FBI chief has been fired,
in wrong-doing rumour Trump’s mired;
and his staff have made cash
to add to their stash
when with Russia they schemed and conspired.

John Bickley Limerick

Tuesday, May 9th, 2017

From his words and his self-righteous pose
John Bickley’s a man I suppose
who in spite of his suit,
in his youth once picked fruit,
or perhaps all he’s picked is his nose.

A Limerist’s Limerick

Monday, May 1st, 2017

A Limerist isn’t a toff,
yet my hat to such poets I doff;
for to write stuff so lewd
or by being plain rude
is an art, so you all can f#$k off.

Rent’s Due Limerick

Saturday, April 22nd, 2017

The landlord says my rent is due,
and expects that this fact I will rue.
But the truth is it’s late,
well past its due date –
these landlords just haven’t a clue.

Nukes For All Limerick

Thursday, April 20th, 2017

The States has got Kim Jong Un beat,
coz The Donald has sent in the fleet.
But if North Korea
fires a nuke, as some fear,
alas, we will all take the heat.

Kim Jong Un Nuclear Limerick

Tuesday, April 18th, 2017

Said Kim Jong Un: “I have a plan
to become the world’s number one man.
And though ‘one’ might mean ‘only’,
I wouldn’t be lonely
since I’m also my number one fan.”

Failed Bills Limerick

Monday, March 27th, 2017

Poor Donald said from the beginning:
“You’ll soon all get fed up with winning.”
But a failed ban on travel
has seen things unravel
and the health bill has left Trump’s head spinning.

Backwards Bertha

Thursday, March 23rd, 2017

There once was a girl named Bertha
Who liked doing things vice versa.
She ate breakfast at night
And all was alright
But the pancakes led to inertia.

Author’s webpage:

Leicester – Liverpool Match

Thursday, March 2nd, 2017

The question last night’s football begs
Is had Liverpool drunk dry some kegs?
For it seemed to be clear
That they’d been at the beer,
Or else Leicester have just found their legs.

Travel Ban Limerick

Saturday, February 11th, 2017

In the saga of Donald J. Trump,
his travel ban hit a big bump.
So to hide his mistakes,
he call news outlets fakes
and said those who opposed him he’d thump.