Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Cricket Final Limerick

Thursday, July 18th, 2019

The English were caught in a fix
as their batsmen fast ran out of tricks,
then when Stokes ran for two
an outfielder threw
and deflected a fortunate six.

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Women’s World Cup Limerick

Friday, July 12th, 2019

Alas, when it came to the crunch,
the USA ate us for lunch.
But this talented team,
though they played like a dream,
are a highly unlikable bunch.

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Diplomatic Cables Limerick

Friday, July 12th, 2019

The White House was angered a lot
by messages leaked by some clot.
And as was expected,
once Trump had reflected
he threw all his toys from his cot.

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Royal Nanny Limerick

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019

Misfortune’s when one nanny quits,
and it’s tough if a second one gits.
But now we have heard
of the loss of a third,
which means Meghan and Hal are the pits.

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Dictator Bromance Limerick

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019

Said Donald: “True love’s when I see
darling Vladimir seated by me.
Yet nothing can beat
a photo-op meet
with dear Kim in Korea’s DMZ.”

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The Camberwell Mystery Limerick

Friday, June 28th, 2019

Was it things that go bump in the night,
or an earthquake’s formidable might?
I have to confess
that it’s anyone’s guess
coz Boris’s lips are shut tight.

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Trump State Visit – 3

Tuesday, June 4th, 2019

It seems Boris Johnson’s a man
who Trump deems a genuine fan;
so he gave him the nod
coz they’re peas in a pod
and a Mini-Me’s part of Trump’s plan.

 

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Trump State Visit – 2

Tuesday, June 4th, 2019

The Palace staff thought it a joke
when the White House liaisoning folk
said: “In order to feed
Donald Trump, all you need
is hamburgers, fries and a Coke.”

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Trump State Visit – 1

Tuesday, June 4th, 2019

Said Donald, “Till now I’ve been seen
to be uncouth and greedy and mean.
But today I’ve arrived,
coz I’ve gone and contrived
to sit down and have tea with the Queen.”

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Everest Traffic Jam Limerick

Thursday, May 30th, 2019

From the Top of the World is a view
that has only been seen by a few;
but now all’s not fine
coz the peak has a line
that is worse than a post office queue.

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Trump In Japan Limerick

Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

Said Donald: “This ain’t food for guys;
eating sushi and seaweed surprise
might be good for a man
who was born in Japan,
but I need my burgers and fries.”

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EU Parliament Vote Limerick

Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

Said Nigel: “I’m having a ball,
watching Tory and Labour seats fall,
and cometh the hour,
when I am in power,
these traitors are first ‘gainst the wall.”

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Milkshake Limerick

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2019

Both Tommy and Nige were forlorn
and believe that a line must be drawn;
for though milkshakes taste good,
it must be understood,
they’re for drinking and not to be worn.

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MS’s LGBT Sandwich Limerick

Tuesday, May 7th, 2019

Piers Morgan had oodles to say
on a sandwich he claimed to be gay;
and yet his obsession
gave folks the impression
he’ll emerge from the closet one day.

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Brexit Party Limerick – 2

Sunday, May 5th, 2019

Said Nigel: “My party’s a club
with nationalist thought at its hub.
And we often debate
in a falling down state
over ten pints of beer down the pub.

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Brexit Party Limerick

Sunday, May 5th, 2019

Farage may appeal to his base
who want Brexit to come on apace.
But how can you vote
for a bleating old goat
with a rubbery, muppet-like face?

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Brexit Halloween Limerick

Friday, April 12th, 2019

The deal says on All Hallow’s Eve,
the E.U. we’re destined to leave.
But like ghosts which they say
are abroad on that day,
it seems too far-fetched to believe.

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… and in Brexit News

Friday, April 12th, 2019

So ‘Brexit means Brexit’, but then,
while this limerick’s contents I pen,
the flummoxed EU
still haven’t a clue
about Brexit’s mysterious ‘when’.

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Brexit Talks Limerick

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Says Bercow, “If Brexit talk fails
to make progress no faster than snails,
to cut Britain’s loss,
a coin I shall toss;
to leave, or remain – heads or tails?”

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Misgendering Limerick

Saturday, March 23rd, 2019

I misgendered a ‘him’ as a ‘her’
and was labelled on Facebook a cur;
so I’ve vowed from this day
that my posts will now say
‘Hello to you Miss, Ma’am or Sir.’

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/catholic-mum-five-investigated-police-misgendering-transgender-child-twitter-114028123.html

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Shutdown Limerick

Sunday, January 27th, 2019

Said Trump: “I was having a ball
with the shutdown to build me a wall.
But now it’s a race,
to stop losing face,
so it may end up just one foot tall.”

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Naked Dining Limerick

Thursday, January 10th, 2019

A restaurant serving up food
for diners who ate in the nude,
went bust when they saw
I had walked through the door,
and everyone eating there spewed.

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Primordial Planetesimal Limerick

Friday, January 4th, 2019

As deep into space Mankind goes,
a weird looking object arose;
and I must theorise
from its shape and its size,
it’s a booger sneezed out of God’s nose.

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Christmas Dinner Limerick

Sunday, December 30th, 2018

At Christmas a guest often pouts
when the table at dinner time touts
not the turkey – that’s fine!
nor roast tatties – divine!
but a mountain of foul-smelling sprouts.

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Return To Negotiations Limerick

Thursday, December 13th, 2018

To Europe, where May showed some pluck,
though the door to her limo got stuck;
this seemed quite symbolic,
since Brexit’s shambolic,
of a country that’s mired in the muck.

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Whitehall Fracas Limerick

Wednesday, December 12th, 2018

In the Chamber ’twas such a disgrace
when somebody high-jacked the mace;
and once he’d abused it
they should then have used it
to wallop the chap in the face.

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O2 Outage Limerick

Sunday, December 9th, 2018

I shouldn’t have chosen O2,
the service provided is poo,
for I wish to refrain
from engaging my brain,
which an outage of wifi can do.

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Trump Photo-Op Limerick

Monday, December 3rd, 2018

“Sharing stages with dumb heads of state
for photos,” says Donald, “can wait.
So rather than linger,
I’ll give them the finger,
since sharing is something I hate.”

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-marches-off-g20-stage-084300474.html

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Christmas Dinner Limerick

Saturday, December 1st, 2018

Christmas dinner will be rather tame;
I’ve turned vegan, so I am to blame.
No more flesh of turkey,
Nor of Pinky and Perky;
Instead, tofu cutlets – how lame!

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Brexit Forecast Limerick

Thursday, November 29th, 2018

We munch on our scones and sip tea,
and wonder how Brexit will be.
So it’s lucky this pile
of rocks is an isle,
for we’re bound to end up all at sea.

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