Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

World Cup Limerick – 4

Saturday, June 30th, 2018

The German’s were very hard put
‘gainst Korea, always on the wrong foot.
So alas, at full time,
coz they weren’t at their prime,
their World Cup campaign was kaput.

World Cup Limerick – 3

Tuesday, June 26th, 2018

The England team’s strength was imposed,
and poor Panama duly disposed.
Then because they got trounced,
they quickly announced:
“The canal, to the British, is closed.”

Father’s Day Limerick

Monday, June 18th, 2018

It’s long been an annual fad
for every lassie and lad
to send out a card,
so from this humble bard
I say, “Thank you for being my dad.”

World Cup Limerick – 2

Sunday, June 17th, 2018

The World Cup’s grand op’ning was heard
‘cross the world, though a strange thing occurred.
while performing with flair,
with his show live on air,
Robbie Williams flipped us the bird.

Airport Bar Limerick

Friday, June 15th, 2018

The barmen don’t earn a high wage,
so a go slow they constantly stage.
If they don’t serve me soon,
I swear I might swoon,
or else I could die of old age.

World Cup Limerick – 1

Friday, June 15th, 2018

The wait for the World Cup is done,
with a month full of footballing fun.
But if you’re Brazilian,
it’s one to a zillion
you hope you’re not thrashed seven-one.

D-7 Limerick

Wednesday, June 13th, 2018

The G-7’s rather passé,
and this losery groups had its day.
So I’m ditching those haters
and asking dictators
to join my D-7 today.

Dotard and Rocket Man Summit

Wednesday, June 13th, 2018

One oddly coiffed, one oddly shorn,
on which one looks worse, I am torn;
and if Kim should dare
to mock Donald’s hair,
it could end up scissors at dawn.

G-7 Limerick

Wednesday, June 13th, 2018

The G-7’s needing a fix,
for Trump has been up to his tricks;
and with tariffs galore
world trade is at war,
so next year it might be G-6.

Correspondents’ Dinner Limerick

Tuesday, May 1st, 2018

Said Trump: “Some dumb broad making jokes
doesn’t please us Republican folks;
so just out of spite
I’ll watch TV tonight,
in bed with my burgers and cokes.

Trump UK Visit Limerick

Thursday, April 26th, 2018

A trip to the UK by Trump
(that miserable, orange-haired grump),
with its protests galore
will result in the boor
metaphorically kicked in the rump.

Royal Birth Limerick

Tuesday, April 24th, 2018

“How thrilled and excited are we!”
said the Queen over afternoon tea.
“For Will’s wife, Duchess Kate,
has concluded the wait
and delivered up sprog number three.”

Christmas With The Queen Limerick

Thursday, April 12th, 2018

One’s Christmas day does tend to sour,
when the grand kids leave Phil looking dour;
and I have to confess
when they cause a big mess
that I lock up the brats in the Tower.

Oh, Gawd!

Friday, March 30th, 2018

I don’t want to sound like a bore,
but the language of some chefs is poor.
Though your kitchen be hell,
please refrain from the yell
of: “The food you’ve served up’s f$#@ing raw.”

Off The Map Limerick

Sunday, March 18th, 2018

Kim Jong-Un is a curious chap,
who likes to put Trump in a flap;
so he makes sure it seems
North Korea has the means
to wipe the U.S. off the map.

Hiring and Firing Limerick

Wednesday, March 14th, 2018

Said Trump: “Many folk I have hired,
have left me in excrement mired.
So to try to save face
and appeal to my base,
these culprits can count themselves fired.”

Tide Pod Limerick

Monday, February 19th, 2018

On a Tide Pod I happened to bite
for the object’s a colourful sight;
but the pain had me stumped
till my stomach got pumped
while my s@#t came out whiter than white.

Dutch Flatulence Limerick

Monday, February 19th, 2018

Alas, while he took a Dutch flight,
his flatulence started a fight;
but this made his day,
for he then got to stay
in Vienna, for free, for a night.

(based on story below)

Spice Girls Re-Forming Limerick

Friday, February 9th, 2018

When young and exceedingly brash,
the Spice Girls had smash after smash;
and though talent they lack
you won’t find them slack
in pocketing ageing fans’ cash.

Prince William’s ‘Heir’ Limerick

Sunday, January 21st, 2018

Though my barber’s skills aren’t on the grid,
I’d like to put forward a bid.
To cut William’s hair,
though his scalp’s almost bare,
I’d do it for just ninety quid.

Donald Trump ‘Hole’ Limerick

Monday, January 15th, 2018

Said Donald: “The words of a mole
in the White House have taken their toll.
For the sentence I used,
which perhaps got confused
were: ‘My African shirt has a hole’.”

Happy Birthday Limerick

Monday, January 15th, 2018

Today you have reached 58,
which is rather amazing, old mate;
so I wish you good health,
and lashings of wealth
till you’re boxed up and nailed in a crate.

Modest Moi Limerick

Wednesday, January 10th, 2018

Myself, when in poetic mode,
can a nifty old poem unload.
My haikus are great,
my sonnets first rate
and I whip up a fabulous ode.

Fire And Fury Limerick

Monday, January 8th, 2018

Said Trump: “Michael Wolff chose to weave
lots of lies in attempts to deceive;
and for having such gall,
he’ll be first ‘gainst the wall,
along with that bloke, Sloppy Steve.”

Biggest Button Limerick

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018

Trump opened his supersized gob
and addressing his ultra-right mob,
said, “I’ll put Kim to bed,
if we go head to head
because I’ve got the mightiest knob.

Flight To Nice Limerick

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018

We may be a pair of celebs,
but we’re also a couple of rebs.
When we’re saving on brass,
we’ll fly cattle class,
though you won’t find us sat beside plebs.

Blackamoor Brooch Limerick

Saturday, December 23rd, 2017

Princess Michael said: “Most sorry ma’am,
although Meghan’s a cute little lamb,
I’ll still wear such brooches
in spite of reproaches,
coz I’m sponsored by Robertson’s jam.”

American Tax Bill Limerick

Friday, December 22nd, 2017

Said Donald: “My friends will make stacks
of cash from the changes in tax.
But the poor middle class
will get kicked up the @#$%
and a dagger or two in their backs.

Yules & Fools

Sunday, December 17th, 2017

On frozen days, playing outside
with snowball and fort and ice slide,
one pair of mittens
hurt like the Dickens
like bells on a horse drawn sleigh ride.

The hump-back of old Notre Dame
would ring them and call them by name.
But after awhile
in true Christmas style
those decked out would end up in pain.

Sore fingers and toes and both ears
would often go numb while they cheer
for tunes from above
which started with love
but ended in frostbite and tears.

So back home each child would tromp
and shake off the snow with a stomp
sip on PG Tips
to warm up the lips
and lament their next outdoor romp.

Loud ringing eventually stopped
and into warm beds they all plopped.
The aunties stood by
while uncles drank rye
so parents could shop til they dropped.

F. H. Lee

Nuts & Bolts Revolt

Monday, December 11th, 2017

I say let’s bring on Sweet Maries
And nut covered balls made of cheese
It seems time to mount
A war ‘gainst the count
Of “point” diets and calories!

F. H. Lee