Resolutions Limerick

December 5th, 2017

New Year resolutions are fine,
but the gym’s where I’m drawing a line;
and I’ll blame a foul mood,
if I binge on fast food,
then take solace in lashings of wine.

Comrade Putin Limerick

December 5th, 2017

Said Putin: “When I get undressed,
my bod is the world leaders’ best.
All men are beguiled,
and women go wild
when they witness my firm, manly chest.”

Friday Fracas

December 2nd, 2017

A blue jay appeared in our tree
As mad and as loud as could be
He dove for the fence
His breakfast commenced
And traded his black seeds for tea!

A squirrel chased him out of his roost
Which gave my dull spirits a boost
One swiped with a paw
The other, a claw
The demons of Hades were loose!

Whoever emerges, these fights
Show clearly a victor, claims rights
With walnuts for one
Shared seeds from the sun
Fleur, maybe I’ll sleep well tonight.

While woodpeckers hang upside down
Chickadee and nuthatch abound
They flick brown and grey
And still to this day
Must listen and track by the sound.

F. H. Lee

Life Advice

December 1st, 2017

“Stay off of the radar”, he said.
My dad offered wisdom in dread
the cities would bring
Red Rum, The Shining
“be careful of Jack Nicholson!”

I moved there in 19-8-3
his radio, CFRB
he tuned into news
expecting to lose
his daughter, unable to flee.

Imagine his sigh of relief
when twenty years later he’s briefed
that I will come home
with not just a tome
but four homeless urchins? He freaked!

F. H. Lee

Humble Pie Hopes

December 1st, 2017

With kisses and hugs so it seems
for offspring and sibs given reams
they all learn much more
get joy from each chore
for me, such a virtuous dream!

Their mental and physical health
stays upbeat and sturdy and stealth.
They run from applause
in nature they pause
outlive me and make their own wealth!

F. H. Lee

No Means No

December 1st, 2017

Be dear to the people you love.
Treat them with respect and kid glove,
for a bird in the hand
is more likely to stand
up against mean bullies who shove.

F. H. Lee

Moose On The Loose

November 28th, 2017

Near Buttonville Airport, a moose
dodged traffic and cameras while loose.
Police reined him in
while out for a spin
then lured him with syrup and juice.

It followed a meadow northbound
with little distraction or sound
but as they looked back
on footage. no lack (of)
a swath of destruction they found.

It skittered through runways and fields
used back yards and fences as shields.
Although it was cute
crashed on, resolute
observers cheered loudly to yield.

Precautions stacked up to the hilt,
and so they progressed full of guilt.
They readied the dart.
Before they could start
it took off back home at full tilt.

Thanks to F. H. Lee for this one

Lewis Hamilton Limerick

November 27th, 2017

Said Lewis: “My motor went vrooom,
as it swept round the track like a broom,
and the speed of my pace
brought a smile to my face,
but to rivals brought nothing but gloom.”

Dickens’ David

November 25th, 2017

Young David endured quite a lot
Step-father and sister he fought
to protect his Mum
and Peggotty some
those books* saved his mind from dry rot.

His trousers were tattered and torn,
for much better things he was born.
As life took a turn,
his bridges he burned,
and thrived though his aunt was forlorn.

Miss Trotwood had wanted a girl
to pamper and placate and curl
all boys were a mess
would not wear a dress
best educate them wind and whirl!

*Chpt.4,David Copperfield: “My father had left a small collection of books in a little room upstairs, to which I had access (for it adjoined my own) and which nobody else in our house ever troubled.”

Submitted by F H Lee

North Korean Diplomacy Limerick

November 10th, 2017

Said Trump: “Kim Jong Un, here’s the rub;
you’re a backwater, we are a hub.
So show me respect,
or Pyongyang will be wrecked
because I have a nuclear sub.”

Halloween Limerick

November 1st, 2017

If you go out this Halloween night,
you’re certain to suffer a fright,
for ogres are romping,
the werewolves are chomping
and Dracula’s out for a bite.

Ryanair Limerick

September 17th, 2017

When Ryanair offers you deals,
you pay extra for drinks and for meals.
But it seems from today
that the tariffs you pay
don’t suffice to afford enough wheels.

Kim Jong-Un Limerick #2

September 13th, 2017

Putting on his inscrutable charm,
Kim Jong-Un says: “I mean no one harm;
but if sanctions remain,
I’ll no longer refrain
from nuking the s#@$ out of Guam.”

X Factor Limerick

September 3rd, 2017

The X Factor makes us all think
that of stardom we’re all on the brink.
But when testing the power
of your voice in the shower,
The truth is you probably stink.

Trump Mad(?) Limerick

September 2nd, 2017

The polls say that Trump is insane,
that there’s something awry with his brain;
and while Hillary gloats,
the men in white coats
plan to end the mad emperor’s reign.

Dr Watson Limerick

September 2nd, 2017

Poor Watson had just drawn a blank
on what poison Sir Marmaduke drank.
Said Holmes: “But it’s clear
from his discoloured ear.
Good God, man! You’re thick as a plank!”

Hercule Poirot Limerick

August 31st, 2017

When Hercule Poirot finds a clue,
it’s a day that the killer will rue;
for his little grey cells,
resonating like bells,
tell him when, what and why, how and who.

Inspector Morse Limerick

August 29th, 2017

Morse likes things in life that are fine,
like grand restaurants where he can dine.
He might even find time
to solve the odd crime
Once he’s finished his bottle of wine.

Miss Marple Limerick

August 27th, 2017

Miss Marple, the sprightly old hound,
ensures that the culprits are found.
But the cops, who aren’t happy
because they look dappy,
would prefer her six feet underground.

Sherlock Holmes Limerick

August 23rd, 2017

“It’s most element’ry,” cried Holmes,
“why the roofs of these mushrooms are domes.”
And then dropped the penny,
he’d had one pipe too many,
when he added: “‘Coz inside live gnomes.”

Kim Jong Un Limerick

August 7th, 2017

Kim Jong Un is a tyrant with flair,
who has left the U.S. in despair;
but the world knows him best
for his ‘XXL’ chest
and the curious state of his hair.

Dr Who Limerick

July 18th, 2017

The new Time Lord’s quite a surprise;
she’ll emerge once the Scottish one dies.
But I warn you, refrain,
from the urge to complain,
or the Doctor will scratch out your eyes.

Michael Bond Limerick

June 29th, 2017

As creator of Paddington Bear,
Michael Bond was a writer with flair.
And he’s now in that place
of eternal good grace
where there’s marmalade sarnies to spare.

John Noakes Limerick

May 29th, 2017

“Down Shep” John Noakes often would say
which kept his dog calm and at bay.
But the phrase we liked most
from the Blue Peter host
was: “Here’s one I made earlier today.”

Russian Collusion (?) Limerick

May 28th, 2017

Trump’s party, it seems, got ahead
by being with Russia in bed;
and for those with an eye,
this may explain why
the Republican colour is red.

Roger Moore Limerick

May 24th, 2017

Of Roger Moore we were all fond;
the most famous spy’s mantle he donned.
And what can be sweeter
than telling St. Peter
“The name, my dear fellow, is Bond.”

Russian Backing Limerick

May 21st, 2017

The Russians successfully hacked
the election, and Donald they backed;
but all went awry
when Flynn, their new guy,
inauspiciously found himself sacked.

Trump Saudi Visit

May 21st, 2017

“The ban on all Muslims is lifted,”
said Donald, as policy shifted.
“For it keeps people’s minds
off embarrassing finds,
while our Russian connections are sifted.

Donald The Puppet Limerick

May 16th, 2017

The Trump should be put out to grass,
since diplomacy’s tests he can’t pass.
For if he’s not tamed,
I foresee he’ll be named
a hero of Russia, first class.

100+ Days Limerick

May 13th, 2017

The FBI chief has been fired,
in wrong-doing rumour Trump’s mired;
and his staff have made cash
to add to their stash
when with Russia they schemed and conspired.