Funny Limericks For Everyone

Trump’s visage could not have been redder
when docs with the White House’s header
were sought in profusion
through legal intrusion
before he could reach for the shredder.

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The weather has all gone to pot,
the air is excessively hot,
and if you’re a goof
refuting the proof
of Climate Change then you’re a clot.

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The Mayor is a miserable toad;
The Cop has an honourable code.
The Expert gets beaten,
The Captain gets eaten,
The Shark? Well, it gets to explode.

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A wealthy young businessman meets
a hooker – they jump twixt the sheets.
They fight and they part,
she recaptures his heart
and he whisks her away from the streets.

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The Bates Motel’s heyday has come
and gone – Norman lives like a bum.
When questions get asked,
he feels like he’s tasked
to kill while dressed up as his mum.

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BoJo once wielded a potion
that helped maintain party devotion.
But now his luck’s turned,
and Britain has learned
he plans to resign in slow motion.

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The Instagram poet shouts ‘Yikes!’
each day when his readership spikes.
Who cares that his ‘verse’
is unsound and perverse
as long as it racks up the likes?

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Prince Louis’s a right royal brat.
Not cute, like the Cat in the hat.
His oddly pulled faces
replace airs and graces,
but since he’s prince – well, that’s that.

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Some dodos think shillings and pence,
or feet when you measure a fence
will make Britain ‘great’
but to me this debate
just doesn’t make one ounce of sense.

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Though Boris stood toasting his peers
with vino and all types of beers,
the Old Bill opined
he needn’t be fined,
to which Boris gladly yelled: “Cheers!”

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This Wagatha Christie stuff’s silly,
these ladies aren’t all pink and frilly.
Instead they can’t stop
from having a pop
at the size of a male friend’s willy.

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Rees-Mogg has been making his case
that working from home has no place.
He thinks staff are shirking,
when really they’re working
at avoiding his arrogant face.

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The Parliament air has turned blue
with porn on a phone screen, on view.
The MP’s excuse
was to say: “What the deuce!
In Whitehall there’s nought else to do.”

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The Martian eclipse was a dud,
for what looked like a dollop of mud
passed in front of the sun,
not round as a bun
but resembling a misshapen spud.

(Actually, it was quite spectacular)

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I thought there could be nothing grander
than to visit UK for a gander.
But Border Force say
I’ve got no right to stay,
so instead I’ll be seeing Rwanda.

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Of our era it’s somewhat a sign
that though Boris got hit with a fine
for breaking the law,
he was not shown the door
and didn’t once think to resign.

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Whilst West Ham played Lyon, from France,
the game earned a long second glance,
for on the pitch ran
a lone Hammer’s fan
to ruin his own team’s last chance.

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Prince Charles is the next one to carry
the crown unless Lizzy should tarry.
Then’s William’s turn,
lest the crown he should spurn,
in which case, Gawd ‘elp us, it’s Harry!

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The end of the world comes apace,
but the media only has space
for a middle-aged brat,
a celebrity spat
and a guy who got slapped round the face.

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Chris Rock isn’t timid or meek,
but from now on before he should speak,
he’ll opt to use words
that are not verbal turds
for fear of a slap on the cheek.

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As Hollywood grows more myopic,
it’s just hired a star microscopic.
His stage name is ‘Sherm’,
an intestinal germ,
for a true life colonic biopic.

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He wasn’t an egghead at school,
and teachers proclaimed him a fool;
this workshy young slob
couldn’t hold down a job,
yet the Kingdom of Physics he’d rule.

In 1905 it grew clear,
in what’s known as his ‘Miracle Year’
that light’s constant motion
was a relative notion,
which crystallised Einstein’s career.

His praises till this day are sung,
E=mc squared’s among
the world’s greatest sums,
yet the image still comes
of fly hair and a sticking out tongue.

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Some folk claim that Putin is stable,
but that’s just an old Russian fable.
For people he meets
at the Kremlin he seats
down the end of a forty foot table.

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John Bercow’s behaviour may border
on bullying, or something much broader.
In the press he’s been panned,
and from Parliament banned
for being so well out of ORDER!

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Said Putin to Xi: “This is fun;
Olympics in snow, not in sun.
And yes, i’ll refrain
from invading Ukraine
till the skiing and skating is done.”

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