Self Portrait Limerick

September 19th, 2021

There once was a poet named Danny
Whose poems could be rather uncanny.
He also wrote lyrics
With nice atmospherics,
But never did win a damn Grammy.

Daniel Klawitter

Emma Raducanu Limerick

September 16th, 2021

Piers said: “She cannot swing a bat.”
But his words were about to fall flat;
for it proved Emma’s day,
in the U. S. of A.,
whilst Piers was proved somewhat a… berk.

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Diddly-Squat Restaurant Limerick

September 13th, 2021

Said Clarkson: “There’s plenty of space
for restaurants on my country place;
and if the food’s cold,
as per days of old,
you’re welcome to punch my fat face.”


Vaccination Limerick

September 7th, 2021

The vaccine’s a wonderful thing,
though sometimes your arm feels a sting.
And please be aware,
if you fail to take care
your I-phone will suddenly ping.

Red Rules Limerick

August 23rd, 2021

If you come from a country that’s red,
a Covid hotel has a bed
that’s yours for ten days
though the customer pays
till the dosh in his bank account’s fled.

Covid Hotel Limerick

August 22nd, 2021

If you come from a country that’s red,
a Covid hotel has a bed
that is yours for ten days
though the customer pays
till a shed-load of money’s been shed.

Limerick Rhyming the Word ‘Orange’

August 12th, 2021

When you have a sore throat, it’s best
to give all kinds of Strepsils a test;
and I find the lozenge
that’s flavoured with orange
tastes better than all of the rest.

When Poetry Matters Limerick

July 29th, 2021

If poems are written to flatter,
or just form a verbiage-strewn splatter,
they’re no better than
a filling-less flan
or fillets of cod without batter.

According to Dominic Cummings Limerick

July 21st, 2021

My vision is awfully bold,”
said Boris, “though some think it cold.
To keep the state running
and industry gunning,
forget about anyone old.”

Dick and Jane: Book 1 Limerick

July 21st, 2021

We already knew ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’,
and probably ‘1’, ‘2’ and ‘3’.
But then we learned ‘dog’,
which was followed by ‘frog’,
and some pronouns like ‘I’, ‘you’ and ‘we’.

Katie Hopkins Deportation Limerick

July 21st, 2021

Oh, Katie, you make us all wonder,
in view of your latest great blunder;
Can’t you do as you’re told?
Breaking rules isn’t bold!
It gets you kicked out from Down-Under.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner as a Limerick

July 17th, 2021

The crew deemed their shipmate a turd
o’er an albatross, shot, so they heard
with the old sailor’s bow,
causing ill-fortune, so
they collectively gave him the bird.

The Cat in the Hat (Abridged and Uncensored)

July 17th, 2021

A cat in a hat made a mess,
putting two kids at home under stress.
Then the cat pulled some strings
and enlisting two Things
cleaned the house in a minute or less.

Daffodils as a Limerick

July 12th, 2021

I wandered alone like a cloud,
seeing daffodils all in a crowd.
And now if Life glowers,
with thoughts of those flowers,
my joy in the world’s re-avowed.

England Through to Final Limerick

July 9th, 2021

It’s taken us fifty-five years
of prayers and crossed-fingers and tears
to get within sight
of a cup-winning night,
so till then let us break out the beers.

Chris Whitty Limerick

July 7th, 2021

Of the thugs who assaulted Chris Whitty
in St. James’s Park, in the City,
one’s just lost his job
on account he’s a yob,
oh dear, what a shame, such a pity.

Kim Jong Un Weight Loss Limerick

June 28th, 2021

In joy, North Korea’s doffed its hat
to its leader, the reason is that,
he’s manged to cease
being grossly obese
and now is just massively fat.

Matt Hancock Lockdown Awareness Limerick

June 27th, 2021

Neither aide nor the Minister flinches
while they smooch, locked as one, in the clinches.
And with no mask in view,
perhaps they’ve no clue
social-distancing’s more than two inches.

England-Germany Limerick – Euro 2020

June 27th, 2021

We keep being drawn against men
of Teutonic descent, and again
to no one’s dismay
it’s the Germans we’ll play
which must be at least World War Ten.

England-Scotland Match Limerick Euro 2020

June 20th, 2021

The Sassenachs’ blood we shall spill.”
“The Tartan pretenders we’ll kill.”
And thus it was billed,
though no one was thrilled
at a boring match ending nil-nil.

When Biden Met Putin Limerick

June 20th, 2021

When Biden met Vladimir Putin,
for Joe and the West we were rootin’.
Would talks be kept sane,
would peacefulness reign,
or would the two men come out shootin’?

Emmanuel Macron Limerick

June 12th, 2021

Said Macron: “I’m such a nice chap,
the type people cheer and they clap;
so something’s amiss
when I’ve earned a French kiss,
but instead I receive a French slap.”

Limerick on the Occasion of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds’ Wedding

May 31st, 2021

The wedding gift list,” Boris said,
on the day he and Carrie got wed,
“won’t need to be filled
if my wallpaper’s billed,
so just send me money instead.”

Eurovision Limerick

May 27th, 2021

This contest’s a monstrous hill
to climb if you don’t fit the bill.
And so, once again,
we’ve suffered the pain
of hearing: “UK. Total – nil!”

Freedom of Speech Limerick

May 19th, 2021

Prince Harry has said he can teach
the Yanks about freedom of speech;
but some aren’t impressed
that his views he’s expressed:
“You should keep your mouth shut!” they screech.