Funny Limericks For Everyone

Prince Andrew’s collection of Teddies
is valued at hundreds of reddies.
If one’s out of place,
he grows crimson of face,
sucks his thumb and will not go to beddies.

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As Covid Plan B’s put to bed,
BoJo ponders his future instead.
But this time he’ll need,
more schemes to succeed,
from Plan A all the way to Plan Z.

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Poor Djokovic thought that his fame
meant he wouldn’t be treated the same
as those who were vaxxed,
but then he got axed,
and its only himself he should blame.

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While partying, Boris felt fine,
even though he had crossed a red line.
But now, to his shame,
we’ve got wise to his game
and expect him to duly resign.

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Poor Bo-Jo is suffering the blues
and fears the PM’s job he’ll lose;
for though he’s repeating
he thought it a meeting,
the email said: “Bring your own booze!”

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While Djokovic senior burned
with anger when journalists learned
his son had dissembled,
he told those assembled,
quite poker-faced: “Meeting adjourned.”

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Said Djokovic: “I’ve made a blunder
in coming for tennis Down Under.
Most Aussies I find
are of one single mind
in wanting to tear me asunder.”

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China’s footballers haven’t a clue
why they can’t go and get a tattoo,
but I think it might be
it’s since President Xi
is afraid they’ll choose Winnie the Pooh.

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From me it’s a ho, ho, and ho!
Those humbugs are really no go.
The merriest Christmas,
sans heart burn or gas
and a New Year with joy and no woe.

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When living it up hale and hearty,
a party’s not always a party.
Wine tasting’s a whiz,
as is Boris’s quiz
or socially-distanced karate.

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A new tongue I’m learning to speak
as the outlook for Covid grows bleak.
For each variation
affecting the nation
has made me more fluent in Greek.

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Man U. have said ‘Farewell!’ to Ole,
his Old Trafford tenure proved folly.
He’s swapped football strife
for more time with his wife
and decking the hallways with holly.

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The power plant chimneys are smoking,
their furnaces we are still stoking;
but phasing out coal
is our ultimate goal –
on second thoughts, no, we’re just joking.

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A gender reveal is the pits,
but it thrills those expectant to bits;
though your bundles of joy
whether girl or a boy
will likely turn out little…angels.

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There is a smug place called Dubai,
No humour though it is dry,
Covered in sand,
One gold-laden hand,
Twinkles a lawyer’s war cry

Coffee and Alex

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In Glasgow the world leaders met
and greenhouse emissions were set.
But nothing is binding
and young folk are finding
that they and the world will still fret.

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When times are a little bit rocky
and your internal clock goes tick-tocky,
to cheer yourself up
why not go and sup
on a cup of delicious hot chockie?

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Some old Roman statues were found;
when unearthed, they all three looked around.
Said one: “Do pray tell,
is this Heaven or Hell?
Better still, put us back in the ground.

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Will Shatner went up into space,
the G forces flattening his face.
Said he, ‘I am potty,
I should have called Scotty
to put beaming up into place.”

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Though Alfred the Great ruled a nation,
He caused one old crone consternation;
For her cakes, which he watched,
Got entirely botched
On the stove in a mass conflagration.

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He may have been the wallydrag
But his tail would give a jolly wag
He looked so smart
That he won my heart
With his tail just like a jolly flag.

(c) David Warin Solomons
website: https://dwsolo.com

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Industrial Britain was cruel,
the people ate nothing but gruel;
they were covered in fleas
and had black lung disease
from coal which they burned as a fuel.

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There once was a poet named Danny
Whose poems could be rather uncanny.
He also wrote lyrics
With nice atmospherics,
But never did win a damn Grammy.

Daniel Klawitter

Piers said: “She cannot swing a bat.”
But his words were about to fall flat;
for it proved Emma’s day,
in the U. S. of A.,
whilst Piers was proved somewhat a… berk.

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Said Clarkson: “There’s plenty of space
for restaurants on my country place;
and if the food’s cold,
as per days of old,
you’re welcome to punch my fat face.”

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