Funny Limericks For Everyone

Will Shatner went up into space,
the G forces flattening his face.
Said he, ‘I am potty,
I should have called Scotty
to put beaming up into place.”

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Funny Limericks For Everyone is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.co.uk.

Though Alfred the Great ruled a nation,
He caused one old crone consternation;
For her cakes, which he watched,
Got entirely botched
On the stove in a mass conflagration.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Funny Limericks For Everyone is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.co.uk.

He may have been the wallydrag
But his tail would give a jolly wag
He looked so smart
That he won my heart
With his tail just like a jolly flag.

(c) David Warin Solomons
website: https://dwsolo.com

Funny Limericks For Everyone is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.co.uk.

Industrial Britain was cruel,
the people ate nothing but gruel;
they were covered in fleas
and had black lung disease
from coal which they burned as a fuel.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Funny Limericks For Everyone is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.co.uk.

There once was a poet named Danny
Whose poems could be rather uncanny.
He also wrote lyrics
With nice atmospherics,
But never did win a damn Grammy.

Daniel Klawitter

Piers said: “She cannot swing a bat.”
But his words were about to fall flat;
for it proved Emma’s day,
in the U. S. of A.,
whilst Piers was proved somewhat a… berk.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Funny Limericks For Everyone is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.co.uk.

Said Clarkson: “There’s plenty of space
for restaurants on my country place;
and if the food’s cold,
as per days of old,
you’re welcome to punch my fat face.”

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

The vaccine’s a wonderful thing,
though sometimes your arm feels a sting.
And please be aware,
if you fail to take care
your I-phone will suddenly ping.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

If you come from a country that’s red,
a Covid hotel has a bed
that’s yours for ten days
though the customer pays
till the dosh in his bank account’s fled.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

If you come from a country that’s red,
a Covid hotel has a bed
that is yours for ten days
though the customer pays
till a shed-load of money’s been shed.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

When you have a sore throat, it’s best
to give all kinds of Strepsils a test;
and I find the lozenge
that’s flavoured with orange
tastes better than all of the rest.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

If poems are written to flatter,
or just form a verbiage-strewn splatter,
they’re no better than
a filling-less flan
or fillets of cod without batter.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

My vision is awfully bold,”
said Boris, “though some think it cold.
To keep the state running
and industry gunning,
forget about anyone old.”

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

We already knew ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’,
and probably ‘1’, ‘2’ and ‘3’.
But then we learned ‘dog’,
which was followed by ‘frog’,
and some pronouns like ‘I’, ‘you’ and ‘we’.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Oh, Katie, you make us all wonder,
in view of your latest great blunder;
Can’t you do as you’re told?
Breaking rules isn’t bold!
It gets you kicked out from Down-Under.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

The crew deemed their shipmate a turd
o’er an albatross, shot, so they heard
with the old sailor’s bow,
causing ill-fortune, so
they collectively gave him the bird.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

A cat in a hat made a mess,
putting two kids at home under stress.
Then the cat pulled some strings
and enlisting two Things
cleaned the house in a minute or less.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

I wandered alone like a cloud,
seeing daffodils all in a crowd.
And now if Life glowers,
with thoughts of those flowers,
my joy in the world’s re-avowed.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

It’s taken us fifty-five years
of prayers and crossed-fingers and tears
to get within sight
of a cup-winning night,
so till then let us break out the beers.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Of the thugs who assaulted Chris Whitty
in St. James’s Park, in the City,
one’s just lost his job
on account he’s a yob,
oh dear, what a shame, such a pity.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

In joy, North Korea’s doffed its hat
to its leader, the reason is that,
he’s manged to cease
being grossly obese
and now is just massively fat.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Neither aide nor the Minister flinches
while they smooch, locked as one, in the clinches.
And with no mask in view,
perhaps they’ve no clue
social-distancing’s more than two inches.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

We keep being drawn against men
of Teutonic descent, and again
to no one’s dismay
it’s the Germans we’ll play
which must be at least World War Ten.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

The Sassenachs’ blood we shall spill.”
“The Tartan pretenders we’ll kill.”
And thus it was billed,
though no one was thrilled
at a boring match ending nil-nil.

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

When Biden met Vladimir Putin,
for Joe and the West we were rootin’.
Would talks be kept sane,
would peacefulness reign,
or would the two men come out shootin’?

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com