If poems are written to flatter,
or just form a verbiage-strewn splatter,
they’re no better than
a filling-less flan
or fillets of cod without batter.
When Poetry Matters Limerick
July 29th, 2021According to Dominic Cummings Limerick
July 21st, 2021My vision is awfully bold,”
said Boris, “though some think it cold.
To keep the state running
and industry gunning,
forget about anyone old.”
Dick and Jane: Book 1 Limerick
July 21st, 2021We already knew ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’,
and probably ‘1’, ‘2’ and ‘3’.
But then we learned ‘dog’,
which was followed by ‘frog’,
and some pronouns like ‘I’, ‘you’ and ‘we’.
Katie Hopkins Deportation Limerick
July 21st, 2021Oh, Katie, you make us all wonder,
in view of your latest great blunder;
Can’t you do as you’re told?
Breaking rules isn’t bold!
It gets you kicked out from Down-Under.
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner as a Limerick
July 17th, 2021The crew deemed their shipmate a turd
o’er an albatross, shot, so they heard
with the old sailor’s bow,
causing ill-fortune, so
they collectively gave him the bird.
The Cat in the Hat (Abridged and Uncensored)
July 17th, 2021A cat in a hat made a mess,
putting two kids at home under stress.
Then the cat pulled some strings
and enlisting two Things
cleaned the house in a minute or less.
Daffodils as a Limerick
July 12th, 2021I wandered alone like a cloud,
seeing daffodils all in a crowd.
And now if Life glowers,
with thoughts of those flowers,
my joy in the world’s re-avowed.
England Through to Final Limerick
July 9th, 2021It’s taken us fifty-five years
of prayers and crossed-fingers and tears
to get within sight
of a cup-winning night,
so till then let us break out the beers.
Chris Whitty Limerick
July 7th, 2021Of the thugs who assaulted Chris Whitty
in St. James’s Park, in the City,
one’s just lost his job
on account he’s a yob,
oh dear, what a shame, such a pity.
Kim Jong Un Weight Loss Limerick
June 28th, 2021In joy, North Korea’s doffed its hat
to its leader, the reason is that,
he’s manged to cease
being grossly obese
and now is just massively fat.
Matt Hancock Lockdown Awareness Limerick
June 27th, 2021Neither aide nor the Minister flinches
while they smooch, locked as one, in the clinches.
And with no mask in view,
perhaps they’ve no clue
social-distancing’s more than two inches.
England-Germany Limerick – Euro 2020
June 27th, 2021We keep being drawn against men
of Teutonic descent, and again
to no one’s dismay
it’s the Germans we’ll play
which must be at least World War Ten.
England-Scotland Match Limerick Euro 2020
June 20th, 2021The Sassenachs’ blood we shall spill.”
“The Tartan pretenders we’ll kill.”
And thus it was billed,
though no one was thrilled
at a boring match ending nil-nil.
When Biden Met Putin Limerick
June 20th, 2021When Biden met Vladimir Putin,
for Joe and the West we were rootin’.
Would talks be kept sane,
would peacefulness reign,
or would the two men come out shootin’?
Emmanuel Macron Limerick
June 12th, 2021Said Macron: “I’m such a nice chap,
the type people cheer and they clap;
so something’s amiss
when I’ve earned a French kiss,
but instead I receive a French slap.”
Limerick on the Occasion of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds’ Wedding
May 31st, 2021The wedding gift list,” Boris said,
on the day he and Carrie got wed,
“won’t need to be filled
if my wallpaper’s billed,
so just send me money instead.”
Eurovision Limerick
May 27th, 2021This contest’s a monstrous hill
to climb if you don’t fit the bill.
And so, once again,
we’ve suffered the pain
of hearing: “UK. Total – nil!”
Freedom of Speech Limerick
May 19th, 2021Prince Harry has said he can teach
the Yanks about freedom of speech;
but some aren’t impressed
that his views he’s expressed:
“You should keep your mouth shut!” they screech.
Limerick to World’s End
May 16th, 2021We’re fiddling while Rome gets ignited,
and humans, by new germs, are blighted.
Yet some braying mules
and conspiracy fools
insist on remaining short-sighted.
Poetry Super League Limerick
May 7th, 2021A super league poet am I,
I’m in it for dosh, I can’t lie.
I want to be rich,
though it seems there’s a glitch,
for my poems are boring and dry.
On St. George’s Day
April 27th, 2021An Englishman George the Greek aint,
and since killing monsters is quaint,
his claim for distinction
was dragon extinction
and being the Brits’ patron saint.
The Man From Brazil
April 8th, 2021A selfish young man from Brazil
always ate plenty more than his fill.
So please spare a thought
for his mother who bought
all the groceries and paid the bill.
Suez Crisis Limerick
March 26th, 2021Whilst chugging along at its ease,
having paid its canal passage fees,
sea transport was rocked
when the Suez got blocked
by a ship turning ninety degrees.
Piers Morgan Limerick
March 10th, 2021Piers Morgan was put on the spot
and instructed to stop talking rot.
So he got to his feet
and he beat the retreat
like a child throwing toys from his cot.
Meghan Markle Interview Limerick
March 10th, 2021In one of the interview scenes,
Meghan says that the strength of her genes
led to worries the kin
of the Queen would have skin
rather brown, so she’s spilling the beans.