Funny Limericks For Everyone

There was an old man of Madrid,
Who went to an auction to bid;
He bought, if you please,
A case of old cheese-
But oh, Gosh! when they lifted the lid!

There once was a baker named Dunn,
Who always was out for the fun,
And although it was said
He was very well bred,
He spent all his dough on a “bun”!

There was an old sculptor named Phidias,
Whose knowledge of Art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie
Which startled the purely fastidious.

There was a young lady of Skye,
With a shape like a capital I ;
She said, “It’s too bad!
But then I can pad,’
Which shows you that figures can lie.

There was a young man who said, “There,
I will sneak out during this prayer!*’
But the squeak of his shoes
So enlivened the pews,
That he sat down again in despair.

She’s so homely you’d think she would smother,
And her back view is just like her brother.
Her eyes are both bent,
And her nose is a dent;
But then, ” she’s so good to her mother! “

Said a sporty young person named Groat,
Who owned an old race-horse of note,
” I consider it smart
To lunch a la carte,
But the horse always takes table d’oat.”

Firstly I must apologise for there being a lack of content over the past week. Life has a habit of dropping things in your lap which get in the way of more important things such as keeping a blog updated. Hopefully things will get back to normal now 🙂

Secondly, if it was you that sent the limerick in with the subject Mother Goose Humor, could you please re-submit it? My spam filter zapped it!! Sorry about that.

Thirdly, thanks Tom for your submission (The Bored Golfers), but not really suitable for the whole family. Please do submit more though, but clean ones.

More limericks to follow……………………

Another one from Briony

There once was a frog named Fine
Who liked to sit on a chime
He slipped in the pond
Because his friend James Bond
And now he is stuck in the pine

Thank you Briony for submitting this

A dentist named Archibold Ross
Was in love with a lady, Miss Moss
When they first got together
He did not know whether
He could call her his dental floss

There was a young man from Rangoon
Used to sing by the light of the moon
This the people enjoyed
But his singing annoyed
A very ferocious baboon

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

While quietly eating a tart
A very loud noise made me start
But I didn’t worry
Twas Edwina Currie
Selling eggs from her old horse and cart

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

While drinking a cup of Darjeeling
I noticed it started congealing
It set like meringue
Then went off with a bang
I’m still scraping it off of the ceiling

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

Whilst playing a game of canasta
The hostess cooked up some hot pasta
Which she tipped on my head
And then quietly said
“How’s that for an albino Rasta”

Her teeth were so beautiful and white
As the stars that sparkled so bright
Although they were pretty
It seemed such a pity
Like the stars they came out at night

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

There was a young man from Lenor
Whose limericks stopped at line four
“I’ve tried and I’ve tried
To finish he cried”

There was a young man from Dundee
Whose limericks stopped at line three
Because he got bored

There was a young lady from Crewe
Whose limericks stopped at line two

There was a young lady from Trun

Copyright 2008 © Alan Simonds

There once was an old man called Stratton
Who went into church with his hat on.
“If I wake up,” he said,
“With my hat on my head,
I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.”

There once was a lady named Perkins
Who simply doted on Gherkins
She found them so nice
But she ate too much spice
And has pickled her internal workin’s

A wonderful cook is young Betty
Preparing delicious spaghetti
And chicken Madras
I could go for the lass
If she didn’t resemble a yeti

There was a young man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright
In the dead of the night
To find that his dream had come true