Archive for 2009

Call Waiting – Revisited

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

There once was a man from nepal
who sat and waited for a call
from whom we wont know
t’was quite a show
cause the phone wasn’t plugged into the wall!

Thanks to The Dreeme for this

The Woman From Bedlam

Friday, November 27th, 2009

There once was a woman from Bedlam
Who thought that she had a good plan
When she went to the doctor
She was in for a shocker
When they told her that she was a man!

Thanks to Justis L for this.

Check out http://redriders180.wordpress.com/

The Old Man From Gosham

Friday, November 20th, 2009

There once was an old man from Gosham,
Who took out his false teeth to wash em,
His wife said ‘o’ Jack,
if you dont put ’em back,
I’ll tread on the b***ers and squash ’em

Thanks Matt 🙂

A Lady From Kent

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

I once met a lady from Kent
Who was paying phenomenal rent
She complained to the owner
who tried to disown her
How sad she now lives in a tent.

Thanks to John Hewton for this original one

The Hen – A Magnificent Creature

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

Oh, the Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Thought the hen a magnificent creature.
The hen, thus impressed
Laid an egg in her nest.
And thus did the hen reward Beecher.

Thanks Peter for this.

(Clever last line)

The Woman Of Wales

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

I met an old lady in Wales,
who had some mysterious tales.
When she fought the dragon,
she fell into a wagon,
That creepy old lady of Wales

Thanks to Nadav Hai for this one

The Red Kangaroo

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

I once knew a red kangaroo,
Who didn’t know quite what to do.
And then one day,
he just hopped away,
Because he’s afraid to turn blue.

Thanks Molly.  (Love your email address) 🙂

The Cow At The Show

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

There was an old cow at the show
Who once, from behind gave a blow
All around fainted
the show she had tainted
And now shes stir-fry dont u know?

Maddy from Oz Submitted this one

Abbs Poetry

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

There once was a man named Abb
Who like to write poetry with jabs
Some were quite funny
Some were quite crummy
But none of it was ever drab

Even more from Spartan!!

Keep ’em coming folks 🙂

Noses & Fingers

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

There once was a boy and his finger
In his nose would his finger linger
He pulled out a big booger
And said with a snicker
Now that was a real wing dinger

More from the prolific Spartan Caver

Chocolate Moon Pie

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

In the south we have a battle cry
Give us our Chocolate Moon Pie
With a large R.C. drink
You can tickle us pink
And we are happy on the Fourth of July

Another from Spartan Caver

He had his fill

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

We found Haywood at the dining room table
To move him we were quite unable,
On this you can rely
It was a pound moon pie
That left him so disabled.

Thanks to Spartan Caver for this

The Monkey

Friday, October 30th, 2009

There once was a old hunky monkey,
Who was very cheeky and hunky,
He lived in a zoo,
His toy was a shoe,
And that was the old hunky monkey.

Many Thanks Clara

Drinking & Smoking

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Mark was a working class bloke
Who’s thirst at the bar kept him broke
But the cancer foundation
Pushed new legislation
Now he goes out the back for a smoke

Thanks Malcom from Oz for this

Seeds

Friday, October 16th, 2009

There was once a woman from Leeds;
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
In less then an hour,
Her nose grew a flower,
And her hair was covered in weeds.

Thanks Lydia (Nice change from the rude version)

Horseback Riding

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

My butt and the saddle kept hitting
So often it seemed only fitting,
To drop the word ‘ride’
Semantics aside,
It seemed more like horseback ‘sitting’

Thanks to Mike Dinicola for this (I know the feeling 🙂 )

Poor Old Spinster

Monday, October 12th, 2009

There was once a poor old spinster
Who was left alone all winter
When spring came again
They found on the glen
The poor girl died of a splinter

Thanks to Peter Austin for this

The Power

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

There was a man who had the power
to climb the eifel tower
but couldn’t resist
his baby’s interest
of smelling devious flowers

Thanks to Sisifa for this slightly weird limerick

Trains = Death

Monday, September 21st, 2009

There was once a young man from Staines
Who had a great interest in trains
One day on the line
The train came on time
And the poor man he scattered his brains

Many thanks Peter for this

To The Neighbor at a Calistoga B&B

Sunday, September 6th, 2009

There was a plump llama named Roz,
Went down to the farm from LaPaz.
Came time to deliver,
She said, with a quiver,
“Come on, guys, let’s start the Lamaze!”

Thanks to JD Glick for this one

Kissin’ Cousins

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

There once was a man from the West,
Who wanted to know who made love best.
Every woman in town
Saw who wore the bride’s gown.
His cousin it seems won the test!

Contributed by Dominick (Slightly edited)

Young Man From Japan

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

There was a young man of Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When they asked him, Why?
He said, with a sigh,
“It’s because I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can.”

Submitted By Timbuctoo

Chase The Blues Away

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Haven’t checked on this site in a while,
But today I just needed a smile.
While some of these rhymes
Bring groans up at times,
They send my blues into exile!

Contributed By Dot Smith

Thanks Dot 🙂

Come on folks – I know you are reading the limericks, let’s have some more submissions from you.

Molly’s Blog

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

There once was a girl and a blog
To keep it left her in a fog
She went on the “net”
The experts she met
Have told her to work like a dog!

By MollyC

Small Girl

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

There was a small girl with a ball
Who grew up to be very tall
When the ball bounced real high
She reached up in the sky
And caught it before it could fall

Submitted by GMP