Archive for 2011

A Boozy Limerick

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

At some Third World weddings you find,
that home-distilled booze folk don’t mind.
Yet consuming fake whiskey
can prove rather risky
if half of your guests end up blind.

Yet another one from Paul

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Where Are The Limericks?

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

No limericks posted in ages
To fill up this website’s fab pages.
Get active, don’t linger,
Just pull out your finger –
But don’t expect payment in wages.

Come on folks, don’t leave it all to Paul !!

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

 

Sour Grapes Limerick

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

(A light-hearted response to the results of a weekly poetry competition)

I yelled and I stamped and I sobbed,
For my poem with votes wasn’t mobbed.
“Something’s fishy,” I hissed,
Feeling thoroughly pissed.
“Where’s the recount? It’s clear I’ve been robbed!”

Thanks  Paul

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Scottish Suicide

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

A Scotsman who lived near the Clyde
Fell into a cesspool and died
His less-than-smart brother
Fell into another
Ther verdict in both–sewer-cide.

Thanks to Bruce Gillies for this submission

The Man Of Blackheath

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

There was an old man of Blackheath
Who sat on his set of false teeth
Said he, with a start,
“O Lord bless my heart!
I’ve bitten myself underneath!”

Another from Rick Martin

The Trouble With Limericks

Saturday, October 1st, 2011

There’s more than just one limerick,
Attempting to make me so sick;
It takes so much time
to find a great rhyme.
I might as well go eat pizza.

And another from Wilemutt

More About Harold’s Predictions

Friday, September 30th, 2011

Harold and the Raptures (new age “Rock-of-Ages” group)

The rapture he said would appear,
Turned out to be not nowhere near
The angels weren’t “herald” (Harold)
when Camping’s clan barreled
to town and filled people with fear.

This ‘prophesy’ asked one debater,
THE END! Is it NOW? Is it LATER?
We laughed at this duffer,
Who really did suffer.
He sure used the wrong calculator.

Thanks to Wilemutt for his thoughts

A Precipitous Limerick

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

Though Henry was henpecked and meek
And much too downtrodden to speak,
He ended the strife
Of a horrible wife
With a shove from a mountainous peak

More From Paul Freeman

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Another Old Man From Darjeeling

Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

There was an old man from Darjeeling
Who once lifted himself to the ceiling.
“I’m a Yogi” he cried,
as he instantly died.
Broke his head on the floor, most revealing!

Also written in 1999 by Rick Martin

The Young Girl From Calcutta

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

There was a young girl from Calcutta
whose Love life was all in a clutter
The more she was fed,
the less she could wed.
And she ended her life in the gutter!

An original one from Rick Martin (written in 1999)

A Limerick’s Limerick

Monday, September 26th, 2011

A limerick is a hard thing to fashion.
It takes wit and some form of passion.
But as you can so tell.
This ain’t all that swell.
It will likely get no reaction.

This one is from Andy Newton

Tooting

Sunday, September 25th, 2011

Two tooters began to toot
Without expectation of loot.
Their tooting supernal,
All day and nocturnal,
Was simply done for a hoot.

Another one from Henry Wedel

Prophet Of Doom

Saturday, September 24th, 2011

The end is near, spake he
It’s clear for all to see.
A yearly subscription,
will give the description
For a modest annual fee

Submitted by Henry Wedel

Yellow-Tailed Fish

Friday, September 23rd, 2011

There once was a yellow-tailed fish,
Whose appearance was very delish.
I introduced him to matoes,
And also potatoes
And now he’s my favorite dish!

Thanks to Mike Kernan for this contribution

An Old Boozer Called Gabriel

Monday, September 19th, 2011

There was an old boozer named Gabriel
Who would scribble scandalous doggerel
And then howl it shrilly
Like a backwoods hillbilly
To his best buddies at Café Real.

Many thanks to Vikshev for this one

Cafe Folk

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

The folk in a cafe who slurp’ll
Earn plaudits, whilst others who berp’ll
Hear no yell or curse
From this poet whose verse
Can at last use that tricky word ‘purple’.

More clever rhyming from Paul.

Let’s have one that uses the word orange !!

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

Man From Seatle

Monday, September 5th, 2011

There once was a man from Seattle
Who fought in a great naval battle
He was cast out to sea
But then fortunately
He swam to the nearest Seattle!

Thanks to Daniel Lee Mishkin

Who also added “That’s probably the only ‘clean’ one I have”

Julius Malema’s Head

Thursday, August 25th, 2011

Julius’ head was quite tarnished –
the splinters were sticking out far-ish.
The Youth league adherents
fixed his appearance,
by using sandpaper and varnish.

Thanks to Morné Fouché for this

Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe

Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

There once was an old woman who
Got re-housed in a ramshackle shoe.
She was burdened by tons
Of daughters and sons.
Fam’ly planning? She hadn’t a clue!

From the prolific Paul

www.paulfreeman.weebly.com

She Played The Harp

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

There was a young lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin,
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.

Thanks to Lavisha for this one

A Dirty Limerick

Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

I once heard a tale of a bird
Who one day flew into a turd
While a cow chewing cud
Tripped and fell in the mud
It’s the dirtiest limerick I’ve heard.

Another from David

http://davesbigfatlimericksite.weebly.com/

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