Archive for July, 2012

Olympics Limerick 1

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

I joined the Olympiad bash
for the diving and paid loads of cash.
But I found that my pew
had a terrible view
and all that I saw was a splash.

Prince Of Thieves Limerick

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Young Kev played the film’s leading part,
When Robin won Marion’s heart.
But life’s been a bitch,
So he’s robbing the rich
in a case of ‘life imitates art’.

A Dog Owners Limerick

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

My pitbull decided to kill
and dine on my drunk neighbour, Phil.
And though Philip’s wife
Blames me for her strife
I’ll sue if my dog becomes ill.

Bradley Wiggins Limerick

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

This year is the Queen’s Jubilee,
And I’ve just been watching T.V.
The Wigg’s eclipsed Lance
In the Tour de France –
So where is the man’s M.B.E.?

City Bankers Limerick Party II

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

Our Swiss bank accounts have been filled
and Joe public has duly been billed.
And don’t dare complain
of austerity’s pain –
just pass me the Bollinger’s, chilled.

City Bankers Limerick Party I

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

We’ve diddled you out of your cash,
now it’s time for our annual bash.
Our party won’t stop
lest the share prices drop,
or our banks cause a stock market crash.

Mugger Limerick

Friday, July 20th, 2012

To his victim, a well known young mugger,
said, ‘Give me your money, you bugger.’
Then he flashed his I.D.
at the cops and with glee,
said, ‘You can’t touch me now, I’m a chugger.’–finance.html

Beach Volley Ball Limerick

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

At the Twenty-Twelve Games I’ll see red,
If beach volleyball’s fun is struck dead.
The ladies, those meanies,
Might sideline bikinis –
Let’s hope it’s wet T-shirts, instead.

Funeral Director Limerick

Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

In his grave John was due to be laid,
When the hearse crashed into an arcade.
Then the mortitian said,
After counting the dead,
“At least I’ve drummed up some more trade.”

Donald Trump Limerick

Thursday, July 12th, 2012

A rich Yankee chappie called Trump,
Was brought down to earth with a bump;
For his five-star hotel
Had a view made in hell
Of a Scot’s undesirable dump.—despite-fierce-opposition.html

Andy Murray Limerick

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

Today Andy won by a mile,
Playing tennis with sly Scottish guile.
And if he should win
The men’s cup, it’s no sin
For the miserable bugger to smile.