Archive for 2012

Troll Limerick

Sunday, August 5th, 2012

A troll who resides in North Hants,
was famed for his hate-fuelled rants.
Then one day the Law
came and knocked on his door
and the cowardly troll peed his pants.

Perth Limerick

Saturday, August 4th, 2012

There was an old woman from Perth,
who was short but enormous in girth.
With her white-stubbled chin
and her broad, toothless grin,
she resembled a grand-pappa Smurf.

Pippa Limerick

Friday, August 3rd, 2012

That Lagerfield chappie’s a lout,
and needs a good lesson, no doubt.
I think this rude fellow
would be made more mellow
if Pippa could give him a clout.–says-chanel-designer-karl-lagerfeld.html

Olympics Limerick 5

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

At badminton, playing to lose,
some ladies got slow claps and boos.
Then after their bout,
they got booted out
coz their gamesmanship failed to amuse.

Olympics Limerick 4

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

Whilst Wiggins continues to bloom,
we’re asking, ‘Well, what about Froome?’
Perhaps it’s his plan
that instead of best man
he hopes that he’ll soon be the groom.

Olympics Limerick 3

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

The coach of the USA gapes,
coz his team, in the pool, look like apes.
It’s losing that bugs,
so he blames it on drugs
as he chews on those sour Chinese grapes.

Olympics Limerick 1

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

I joined the Olympiad bash
for the diving and paid loads of cash.
But I found that my pew
had a terrible view
and all that I saw was a splash.

Prince Of Thieves Limerick

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Young Kev played the film’s leading part,
When Robin won Marion’s heart.
But life’s been a bitch,
So he’s robbing the rich
in a case of ‘life imitates art’.

A Dog Owners Limerick

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

My pitbull decided to kill
and dine on my drunk neighbour, Phil.
And though Philip’s wife
Blames me for her strife
I’ll sue if my dog becomes ill.

Bradley Wiggins Limerick

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

This year is the Queen’s Jubilee,
And I’ve just been watching T.V.
The Wigg’s eclipsed Lance
In the Tour de France –
So where is the man’s M.B.E.?

City Bankers Limerick Party II

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

Our Swiss bank accounts have been filled
and Joe public has duly been billed.
And don’t dare complain
of austerity’s pain –
just pass me the Bollinger’s, chilled.

City Bankers Limerick Party I

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

We’ve diddled you out of your cash,
now it’s time for our annual bash.
Our party won’t stop
lest the share prices drop,
or our banks cause a stock market crash.

Mugger Limerick

Friday, July 20th, 2012

To his victim, a well known young mugger,
said, ‘Give me your money, you bugger.’
Then he flashed his I.D.
at the cops and with glee,
said, ‘You can’t touch me now, I’m a chugger.’–finance.html

Beach Volley Ball Limerick

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

At the Twenty-Twelve Games I’ll see red,
If beach volleyball’s fun is struck dead.
The ladies, those meanies,
Might sideline bikinis –
Let’s hope it’s wet T-shirts, instead.

Funeral Director Limerick

Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

In his grave John was due to be laid,
When the hearse crashed into an arcade.
Then the mortitian said,
After counting the dead,
“At least I’ve drummed up some more trade.”

Donald Trump Limerick

Thursday, July 12th, 2012

A rich Yankee chappie called Trump,
Was brought down to earth with a bump;
For his five-star hotel
Had a view made in hell
Of a Scot’s undesirable dump.—despite-fierce-opposition.html

Andy Murray Limerick

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

Today Andy won by a mile,
Playing tennis with sly Scottish guile.
And if he should win
The men’s cup, it’s no sin
For the miserable bugger to smile.

Euro 2012 Limerick

Friday, June 15th, 2012

I saw something terribly rum –
a keeper whose buttocks were numb.
For latest reports
say he pulled down his shorts
for his teammates to shoot at his bum.

David Cameron Limerick

Monday, June 11th, 2012

After downing a few pints of beer
Dave’s limo was put into gear.
Then back home at Chequers
His wife said, ‘You fekkers
Forgot about Nancy, I fear.’

Balloon Limerick

Friday, June 8th, 2012

A hapless young fellow from Troon,
took off in a hot air balloon.
The ham-fisted flyer
went higher and higher
and landed next month on the moon.

Merchant Of Venice Limerick

Saturday, June 2nd, 2012

Will’s Merchant of Venice play teaches
that Thespian ladies have peaches.
And for those who complained,
thank god Shylock remained
with his pound of flesh inside his breeches.

Wing Man Limerick

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

The parachute companies cried
when they watched Gary’s perilous glide.
For their product would end
If he’d started a trend –
How they wish he was now ten feet wide!

A Shakesperean Limerick

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

An envious husband, Othello,
was quite an inventive young fellow.
My wife’s fooled around,
thought the Moor, so he drowned
the poor girl in a barrel of Jell-O.

Soccer Limerick

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

The title has gone to Man City;
United lost out, what a pity!
The blues played sublime,
Won in injury time –
For Fergie, alas, it’s tough titty!

Munch’s Lunch Limerick

Friday, May 4th, 2012

Those millions of dollars must seem
quite substantial to purchase ‘The Scream’,
Coz I’ve got a hunch
that this picture by Munch
is spewed up tutti frutti ice cream.