Archive for February, 2013

‘Buy British’ Limerick

Sunday, February 17th, 2013

The NFU sent out a letter
in hopes to become a trend setter.
They said, ‘Animal flesh
from abroad may be fresh,
but OUR horsemeat tastes so much better.’

(NFU = National Farmer’s Union)

Cemetery Visit

Thursday, February 14th, 2013

My boys are like huskies sans fur
they pushed out my van in a whir
of tires and ice
the blue skies were nice
three days without transport is cured!

Their effort was noted by all
a taxi sat nearby to crawl
back home with heads low
but Mum shouted “GO!”
and rattled the bones ‘neath each pall!

The gravestones were left all intact
the taxi was paid without flack
and never before
had someone outdoor
burnt rubber with black tire tracks!

(*NB* our van got stuck at the local cemetery after the colossal snowfall on Feb.8th)

F. H. Lee

Another Horsemeat Limerick

Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

From the morgue, to make money, just grab
a body that’s fresh on the slab.
Once processed you’ll buy
the meat as a pie
or a burger, doner kebab.

(a bit close to the bone, so to speak)

Helen Mirren Limerick

Tuesday, February 12th, 2013

Some actresses wither and fade,
and their faces get wrinkled and frayed.
But Helen ain’t waned
for her looks she’s retained,
even joining the pink rinse brigade.

Mislabelled Meat Limerick

Sunday, February 10th, 2013

Some food-making firms have done wrong
selling mislabelled meat for a song.
And one taste which lingers
is that of fish fingers –
I wonder to whom they belong.

Shepherd’s Pie Limerick

Thursday, February 7th, 2013

Though some types of meat may be cheap,
over eating a horse I lose sleep.
And each time I try
to eat shepherd’s pie,
I keep wond’ring, ‘Who’s minding the sheep?’

Richard III Limerick

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

When Henry took Bosworth by force,
King Richard died wanting a horse.
From a car park, interred,
Richard’s ghost is now heard
crying out for a souped-up red Porsche.–leicester-car-park-skull-is-that-of-medieval-monarch-100132929.html#ArZPfJ4

Horse DNA Limerick

Saturday, February 2nd, 2013

“It’s okay!” some customers say,
“If my food contains horses – but, hey!
Do those scientists’ tests
cover traces of pests
such as cockroach and rat DNA?”–finance.html