Archive for 2014

Romantic Fish

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014

A romantic trout, name of Blue,
Went to his girlfriend to woo:
She egged in the silt,
He squirted his milt,
Then asked,
“Was it good for you too?”

Another from Leonard G. Allmon

Canterbury Tales

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014

At the Tabard, said Harry one day,
In a friendly and jocular way,
We’re in no real hurry
To reach Canterbury,
So let’s have some tales on the way.

Thanks to Leonard G. Allmon for this.

The Viking Who Went Down Under

Wednesday, December 17th, 2014

A Viking went sailing Down Under
and returned with some very strange plunder.
For who needs a roo
or a didgeridoo
in the land of Valhalla, I wonder.

Michael Phelps Limerick (2)

Wednesday, October 1st, 2014

Said Michael, “I barely could stand;
Thus I drove, so I ought to be banned.
In addition to which
I threw up in a ditch
And practised front crawl on dry land.–spt.html

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge Limerick

Wednesday, October 1st, 2014

In Cambridge, Prince William, the Duke,
Said, “My wife has been labelled a kook.
For when she’s with child,
Her stomach gets riled,
And everything’s covered in puke.”


Saturday, July 26th, 2014

There once was a woman so white
one look at her legs and you might
be strongly advised
to close both your eyes
or altogether losing your sight!

There once was a woman so hot
her brain it did melt on the spot
She said “I need a pool
to to try and keep cool
but how to get there I forgot!”

Thanks to Cornelia Weissfloch for these

World Cup Limerick 5

Thursday, July 10th, 2014

The fans of a wretched Brazil
Watched Germany out for the kill.
But there’s one silver lining,
So stop all this whining –
At least it was not twenty nil.

Luis Suarez Limerick 2

Thursday, June 26th, 2014

Said Suarez: “The Press call me ‘Lecter’,
Like some kind of man-eating spectre.
Which may well be true,
Coz between me and you,
I find folk as tasty as nectar.”

Luis Suarez Limerick 1

Thursday, June 26th, 2014

Said Suarez, “Who needs a medallion,
When my appetite’s that of a stallion.
So forget the World Cup,
For I’d rather sup
On the neck of a juicy Italian.”

World Cup Limerick 2 – Spain v Holland

Sunday, June 15th, 2014

The Spaniards believed they would slay
The Dutch, or else hold them at bay.
But the Netherlands team
Were ruling supreme
And shouted out, five times, “Olé!”

World Cup Limerick 1 – Brazil v Croatia

Sunday, June 15th, 2014

Brazilians couldn’t abide
A loss that would dent national pride.
So winning was sealed
With twelve men on the field,
Including the ref on their side.

Kim Kardashian Limerick

Monday, May 26th, 2014

Queen Kim, at an interview, said:
“My equal I’ve found, so we’ve wed.
But unlike you sad plebs,
We are famous celebs,
Though we’re both rather crass and ill-bred.”

Kanye West Limerick

Sunday, May 25th, 2014

Said ‘modest’ new groom, Kanye West:
“My wedding was simply the best.
So if uninvited,
Just count yourself slighted,
And if on the guest list, feel blessed.”

Beyonce Limerick

Sunday, May 18th, 2014

Beyonce did not appear miffed
When her sister went ape in a lift.
And we’re all asking, “Why
Would she calmly stand by
And watch as her husband got biffed?”

Bob Hoskins Limerick

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014

Bob Hoskins was famously frank
’bout his films- if they’re good or they’re rank.
And in line with this habit,
he liked Roger Rabbit,
but Mario Brothers – they stank!

Medieval Plucked Eyebrows Limerick!

Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

A uni-browed maiden once sucked
in her breath as her eyebrows got plucked.
“But without this,” she said,
“a damsel can’t wed,
for her chances of marriage are … not very good.”

Jack Warner Limerick

Tuesday, March 18th, 2014

Jack Warner said, “Though it sounds lame,
it’s not really me you should blame.
For who can say ‘No!’
to a mountain of dough?
It’s just part of ‘The Beautiful Game’.”–sow.html

Toni Duggan Limerick

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Said Toni: “I play in attack,
and the fight against racists I back.
So folks, why complain,
if to aid the campaign,
I learn how it feels to be black?”

Mr Putin Limerick 1

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Said Vladimir, “Folk in Ukraine
are proving a bit of a pain.
So to reinstate order,
I’m crossing the border
and may carry on through to Spain.”

St. Valentine’s Day Limerick

Saturday, February 15th, 2014

St. Valentine’s Day can be bliss,
as long a man’s not remiss.
For buying a present
ensures the night’s pleasant,
with more than a cuddle and kiss.

Save A Life – Donate Blood Today

Thursday, February 13th, 2014

Donating blood is quite easy
They give you a ball that is squeezy
It always seems fun
(At least when you’re done)
Only once did it make me feel queasy!

Secret Uses Of Lemon Jellow

Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

Pete was a very odd fellow
He loved to make lemon jello
But he did not savor
The stuff for its flavor –
He used it to paint his house yellow.

When Changing A Diaper

Tuesday, February 11th, 2014

When changing a two-year-old’s diaper
You must be a diligent wiper
If you don’t get it clean
You’ll see what I mean
The smell will get riper and riper.

Sochi Winter Olympics Limerick 1

Monday, February 10th, 2014

Said Jenny, “Third place! What a thrill!
To snowboard in Sochi was brill.
And at age thirty-three,
You’ll have to agree,
I’ve proved I’m not over the hill.”–spt.html

There was a versemonger G. Black

Sunday, February 9th, 2014

There was a versemonger G. Black
Who was totally taken aback
Upon learning that rhymes
Can be female sometimes,
Which fact prompted his smuttiest crack.

Submitted by Vikshev