Archive for 2016

New Year’s Limerick

Saturday, December 31st, 2016

New Year is upon us again,
after twelve months of heartache and pain;
and like sheep we’ll all cheer
just as much the next year,
lest we’re dead or we’ve all gone insane.

X-mas Limerick – 3

Monday, December 26th, 2016

There’s enough meat and wine without doubt,
to give even a healthy man gout.
And the hospital’s near,
if too much Christmas cheer
means your stomach requires pumping out.

X-mas Limerick – 2

Monday, December 26th, 2016

Though ballads of wonder are sung
of how Rudolph the Reindeer’s well hung,
you have to admit
he’s an arrogant git
and he smells like an old pile of dung.

The Irish Make Fun Of Dennis

Thursday, December 15th, 2016

There once was a boy named Dennis
Who was terrible at tennis.
He’d try to hit the ball
But would swing, miss & fall—
As we laughed and all drank our Guinness.

X-mas Limerick 1

Monday, December 5th, 2016

Though Christmas is just once a year,
it isn’t a time to hold dear;
for that red-coated bloke
who makes everyone broke
is really a pain in the rear.

Election Eve Limerick

Sunday, November 6th, 2016

Said Donald, “If I should not fail
the coming election to nail,
the first day I’ll spend
signing papers to send
the poet who wrote this to jail.”

Town Hall Limerick

Tuesday, October 11th, 2016

Don Trump has a very strange gift
for sounding like drugs he’s just sniffed.
And the frown on his brow
whilst engaged in a row
explains why he always looks miffed.

Donald Turnip Video Limerick – 2

Sunday, October 9th, 2016

Trumps critics have launched a barrage
of dismay as disaster looms large;
and his only supporter
is his ‘date-able’ daughter
and a pundit named Nigel Farage.

Donald Turnip Video Limerick

Sunday, October 9th, 2016

Said Don, “I am not some old dope,
I know every babe’s deepest hope.
It’s a Frenchie that’s duly
performed by yours truly,
and the world famous Donald Trump grope.

Tax Evader Limerick

Thursday, October 6th, 2016

Said Donald, “Okay, I’ve been lax
at paying my fair share of tax.
But if you should choose
to make this fact news
You’d better be watching your backs.”

Non-Payment of Taxes Limerick

Thursday, October 6th, 2016

It seems Donald Trump has been lax
in paying his federal tax,
but release of this news
Donald blames as a ruse
raised by Hillary’s media hacks.

First Debate Limerick

Wednesday, September 28th, 2016

Ms Clinton’s cause got a great lift
every time Donald choked up and sniffed.
For Trump’s woeful debating
raised Hillary’s rating
and left Trump and company miffed.

Trump’s Mexico Jaunt

Friday, September 2nd, 2016

There was an old fellow called Trump,
who on Mexico took a big dump.
Then he went there to find
out the Mexicans’ mind
and they gave him a kick in the rump.

Usain ‘Romeo’ Bolt Limerick

Saturday, August 27th, 2016

Usain’s rep has taken a jolt,
and at romance he’s proven a dolt.
For as on the track
he’s shown there’s no lack
of restraint when he’s shooting his bolt.

Rio Olympics Limerick – 3

Sunday, August 14th, 2016

The judges at Rio agree
that the pool is a strange thing to see.
But they claim you’ll survive
though you swim or you dive
into water the colour of pee.

Farage’s New Look Limerick

Saturday, August 13th, 2016

At the end of the Brexit vote bash,
Nigel ran for the door at a dash.
Then to hide from the folk
fooled by mirrors and smoke
he grew an outrageous moustache.

Moon Rocks Limerick – 2

Thursday, August 11th, 2016

To NASA I wrote and said, “Please
let’s save on our lawyers’ high fees.
That bag held by Neil
I guess isn’t real
coz inside it are lumps of green cheese.”

Moon Bag Limerick

Thursday, August 11th, 2016

To NASA I wrote and said, “Please
hand back the moon bag you did seize.
I now know the bag’s real
which I bought for a steal
for inside was a lump of green cheese.”

Trump Behaves Like a Baby

Thursday, August 4th, 2016

“To talk about GOP stuff,”
said Donald, “can prove rather tough.
So if your kid cries,
you can say your goodbyes
coz of brats I have had quite enough.”

The Hulk

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2016

There was a big bloke called The Hulk
Who was much too proud of his bulk
He trained every day
Til muscles gave way
Then sorry and sore he did sulk

Mario Petralia

Trump’s Ethos

Friday, July 29th, 2016

Said Donald, “It’s Hillary’s ruse
to say that the poor I abuse.
But if the truth’s told,
and this may sound cold,
they’re here for us rich folk to use.”

Rio Olympics Limerick – 2

Tuesday, July 26th, 2016

The Olympian village, I hear,
is not one the Aussies hold dear.
For the pong of the dunny
is not very funny
and the fridges aren’t packed full of beer.

Rio Olympics Limerick – 1

Monday, July 25th, 2016

The athletes of Russia had hoped
to compete though they’d cheated and doped.
But the IAAF
to such pleading was deaf
so they stayed home in Moscow and moped.

Euro 2016 Limerick – 2

Wednesday, June 29th, 2016

The island of Fire and Ice
did not treat us Englishmen nice.
But let us not pout
coz we got booted out
for playing like scared little mice.

Euro 2016 Limerick

Tuesday, June 28th, 2016

The England team took to the pitch
and promptly encountered a glitch.
We soon were outpaced
by the Vikings we faced
who taught us that life was…unpredictable.