Archive for December, 2017

Blackamoor Brooch Limerick

Saturday, December 23rd, 2017

Princess Michael said: “Most sorry ma’am,
although Meghan’s a cute little lamb,
I’ll still wear such brooches
in spite of reproaches,
coz I’m sponsored by Robertson’s jam.”

American Tax Bill Limerick

Friday, December 22nd, 2017

Said Donald: “My friends will make stacks
of cash from the changes in tax.
But the poor middle class
will get kicked up the @#$%
and a dagger or two in their backs.

Yules & Fools

Sunday, December 17th, 2017

On frozen days, playing outside
with snowball and fort and ice slide,
one pair of mittens
hurt like the Dickens
like bells on a horse drawn sleigh ride.

The hump-back of old Notre Dame
would ring them and call them by name.
But after awhile
in true Christmas style
those decked out would end up in pain.

Sore fingers and toes and both ears
would often go numb while they cheer
for tunes from above
which started with love
but ended in frostbite and tears.

So back home each child would tromp
and shake off the snow with a stomp
sip on PG Tips
to warm up the lips
and lament their next outdoor romp.

Loud ringing eventually stopped
and into warm beds they all plopped.
The aunties stood by
while uncles drank rye
so parents could shop til they dropped.

F. H. Lee

Nuts & Bolts Revolt

Monday, December 11th, 2017

I say let’s bring on Sweet Maries
And nut covered balls made of cheese
It seems time to mount
A war ‘gainst the count
Of “point” diets and calories!

F. H. Lee

Xmas Limerick No. 4

Sunday, December 10th, 2017

At Christmas, with each festive bite,
our self-control’s soon put to flight;
we overindulge
till our butts start to bulge
and all of our clothes are too tight.

Tisk Tisk

Saturday, December 9th, 2017

Some will absolutely give in
when freely presented with gin.
Behaviour is bare,
defiance is rare,
the truth and the dares do us in.

The late David Bowie put shine
in music and costumes sublime.
It’s just a vague hunch
that he took a punch
from Bing right around Christmastime.

He showed up “surprise!” at his door
no warning or phone call before.
“You’ll see what I bring,
I think we should sing
that Drummer Boy tune, it’s a bore!”

“We’ll liven it up, give it zap
to beat out that dry Christmas crap!”
A duet so famed
emerged from their game
once Bing had agreed, “that’s a wrap!”

F. H. Lee

Resolutions Limerick

Tuesday, December 5th, 2017

New Year resolutions are fine,
but the gym’s where I’m drawing a line;
and I’ll blame a foul mood,
if I binge on fast food,
then take solace in lashings of wine.

Comrade Putin Limerick

Tuesday, December 5th, 2017

Said Putin: “When I get undressed,
my bod is the world leaders’ best.
All men are beguiled,
and women go wild
when they witness my firm, manly chest.”

Friday Fracas

Saturday, December 2nd, 2017

A blue jay appeared in our tree
As mad and as loud as could be
He dove for the fence
His breakfast commenced
And traded his black seeds for tea!

A squirrel chased him out of his roost
Which gave my dull spirits a boost
One swiped with a paw
The other, a claw
The demons of Hades were loose!

Whoever emerges, these fights
Show clearly a victor, claims rights
With walnuts for one
Shared seeds from the sun
Fleur, maybe I’ll sleep well tonight.

While woodpeckers hang upside down
Chickadee and nuthatch abound
They flick brown and grey
And still to this day
Must listen and track by the sound.

F. H. Lee

Life Advice

Friday, December 1st, 2017

“Stay off of the radar”, he said.
My dad offered wisdom in dread
the cities would bring
Red Rum, The Shining
“be careful of Jack Nicholson!”

I moved there in 19-8-3
his radio, CFRB
he tuned into news
expecting to lose
his daughter, unable to flee.

Imagine his sigh of relief
when twenty years later he’s briefed
that I will come home
with not just a tome
but four homeless urchins? He freaked!

F. H. Lee

Humble Pie Hopes

Friday, December 1st, 2017

With kisses and hugs so it seems
for offspring and sibs given reams
they all learn much more
get joy from each chore
for me, such a virtuous dream!

Their mental and physical health
stays upbeat and sturdy and stealth.
They run from applause
in nature they pause
outlive me and make their own wealth!

F. H. Lee

No Means No

Friday, December 1st, 2017

Be dear to the people you love.
Treat them with respect and kid glove,
for a bird in the hand
is more likely to stand
up against mean bullies who shove.

F. H. Lee