Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Party! What Party?

Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Though Boris stood toasting his peers
with vino and all types of beers,
the Old Bill opined
he needn’t be fined,
to which Boris gladly yelled: “Cheers!”

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Wagatha Christie Limerick

Thursday, May 12th, 2022

This Wagatha Christie stuff’s silly,
these ladies aren’t all pink and frilly.
Instead they can’t stop
from having a pop
at the size of a male friend’s willy.

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Jacob Rees-Mogg Limerick

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Rees-Mogg has been making his case
that working from home has no place.
He thinks staff are shirking,
when really they’re working
at avoiding his arrogant face.

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Parliamentary Porn Limerick

Thursday, April 28th, 2022

The Parliament air has turned blue
with porn on a phone screen, on view.
The MP’s excuse
was to say: “What the deuce!
In Whitehall there’s nought else to do.”

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Phobos Eclipses the Sun

Monday, April 25th, 2022

The Martian eclipse was a dud,
for what looked like a dollop of mud
passed in front of the sun,
not round as a bun
but resembling a misshapen spud.

(Actually, it was quite spectacular)

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Visiting the UK Limerick

Friday, April 15th, 2022

I thought there could be nothing grander
than to visit UK for a gander.
But Border Force say
I’ve got no right to stay,
so instead I’ll be seeing Rwanda.

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Boris? He’s Fine!

Thursday, April 14th, 2022

Of our era it’s somewhat a sign
that though Boris got hit with a fine
for breaking the law,
he was not shown the door
and didn’t once think to resign.

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I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles Limerick

Friday, April 8th, 2022

Whilst West Ham played Lyon, from France,
the game earned a long second glance,
for on the pitch ran
a lone Hammer’s fan
to ruin his own team’s last chance.

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Succession Limerick

Thursday, April 7th, 2022

Prince Charles is the next one to carry
the crown unless Lizzy should tarry.
Then’s William’s turn,
lest the crown he should spurn,
in which case, Gawd ‘elp us, it’s Harry!

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What Matters in Life

Friday, April 1st, 2022

The end of the world comes apace,
but the media only has space
for a middle-aged brat,
a celebrity spat
and a guy who got slapped round the face.

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Chris Rocked Limerick

Tuesday, March 29th, 2022

Chris Rock isn’t timid or meek,
but from now on before he should speak,
he’ll opt to use words
that are not verbal turds
for fear of a slap on the cheek.

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Bio-hazardous Limerick

Thursday, March 24th, 2022

As Hollywood grows more myopic,
it’s just hired a star microscopic.
His stage name is ‘Sherm’,
an intestinal germ,
for a true life colonic biopic.

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Einstein Tri-Limerick

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022

He wasn’t an egghead at school,
and teachers proclaimed him a fool;
this workshy young slob
couldn’t hold down a job,
yet the Kingdom of Physics he’d rule.

In 1905 it grew clear,
in what’s known as his ‘Miracle Year’
that light’s constant motion
was a relative notion,
which crystallised Einstein’s career.

His praises till this day are sung,
E=mc squared’s among
the world’s greatest sums,
yet the image still comes
of fly hair and a sticking out tongue.

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Putin’s Splendid Isolation

Wednesday, March 9th, 2022

Some folk claim that Putin is stable,
but that’s just an old Russian fable.
For people he meets
at the Kremlin he seats
down the end of a forty foot table.

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John Bercow Limerick

Tuesday, March 8th, 2022

John Bercow’s behaviour may border
on bullying, or something much broader.
In the press he’s been panned,
and from Parliament banned
for being so well out of ORDER!

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Winter Olympics Done Deal Limerick

Thursday, March 3rd, 2022

Said Putin to Xi: “This is fun;
Olympics in snow, not in sun.
And yes, i’ll refrain
from invading Ukraine
till the skiing and skating is done.”

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Angry Old Bear Limerick

Sunday, February 27th, 2022

There once was an angry old bear,
whose cave had lost much of its flair.
so using his muscle
and bully-boy hustle
he increased the size of his lair.

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Jurassic Park Limerick

Friday, February 11th, 2022

An old dude brought dinosaurs back,
but some learned to hunt in a pack.
The lizards got nailed,
the heroes prevailed
and most of the sequels were cack.

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‘The Invisible Man’ Limerick

Tuesday, February 8th, 2022

The Invisible Man is a bloke
misanthropic who hates normal folk.
He’s not one who dithers
at rock, paper, scissors
and these days plays punch, kick and choke.

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Magnificent Seven Limerick

Tuesday, February 8th, 2022

The Magnificent Seven were brave
fighting thieves and a pitiless knave.
At the end of the day,
they fought for no pay
and four ended up in a grave.

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An Authentic Fake Limerick

Saturday, February 5th, 2022

Fake news is a thing we all know,
so it comes as a bit of a blow
to learn in Beijing
the Olympics will bring
winter sports on authentic fake snow.

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Covid Metamorphosis Limerick

Thursday, February 3rd, 2022

From Alpha to Delta it went,
and we thought that its power was spent;
but rules of the gam e
changed when Omicron came,
on world domination hell bent.

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A Minnie Limmie

Saturday, January 29th, 2022

And so, Minnie Mouse will impress
in a pantsuit and flat heels, no less.
But what of the vision,
of Mickey’s transition
in heels and a polka-dot dress?

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Teddy Bear’s Picnic Limerick

Saturday, January 22nd, 2022

Prince Andrew’s collection of Teddies
is valued at hundreds of reddies.
If one’s out of place,
he grows crimson of face,
sucks his thumb and will not go to beddies.

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Plan B Limerick

Wednesday, January 19th, 2022

As Covid Plan B’s put to bed,
BoJo ponders his future instead.
But this time he’ll need,
more schemes to succeed,
from Plan A all the way to Plan Z.

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