Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Nude German Limerick

Saturday, August 8th, 2020

The boar took the laptop and ran,
pursued by a buck naked man.
and thanks to his run,
in the park, in the sun,
he now has an all over tan.

Naked man chases wild boar through public park after swine steals his laptop

Super Saturday Limerick

Monday, July 6th, 2020

Super Saturday’s long overdue;
so I’m off to the pub for a few.
And after the bingeing
we’re sure to be whinging
of streets that are swimming in spew.

The Great Saleswoman

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

There once was a woman called Moore,
Who worked at a clothing store.
She sold lots of duds
To nerds, jocks, and studs,
Till she ruled the whole selling floor.

Thanks again to Birke R Duncan

The Great Attorney

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

There once was a lawyer called Jill
Who found litigation a thrill.
Her cases her settled.
Her rivals were nettled,
And the bill to Jill’s clients was nil.

Thanks to Birke R Duncan for this one

Ramping it Up (or Down)

Friday, June 26th, 2020

Although it was not very steep,
down the ramp fragile Donald did creep.
But his rivals he’d blast
for poor health in the past,
so dear Prez, as you sow, so you reap.

Bournemouth Lockdown Fiasco

Friday, June 26th, 2020

The English have not got a clue;
to Bournemouth’s famed beaches they flew,
and shared all their bugs
as they sunbathed like mugs,
like lemmings in search of a view.

Joke out of a Crisis Limerick

Friday, June 26th, 2020

On Covid-19 what to do?
The President hasn’t a clue.
So to rally his base
and avoid losing face,
he jokingly calls it Kung flu.

Winston Churchill Limerick

Sunday, June 14th, 2020

Back then, Winston Churchill crossed swords
with goosestepping, Teutonic hordes.
The country held fast,
but that was the past,
for today Winnie’s hidden by boards.

Lawrie’s Beard

Friday, May 1st, 2020

There once was a codger called Lawrie
Whose life was an allegory
At a gath’ring with friends,
He confessed at the end,
“My beard is my crowning glory.”

Another from Birke Duncan.

The Director

Friday, May 1st, 2020

There was a director called Fact,
Who had all the good actors sacked.
He fell from the loft
On something not soft,
And had it put into the act.

Thanks to Birke Duncan for this one.

Trump’s U-V Treatment

Sunday, April 26th, 2020

When they’ve found the correct U-V brand
of lamp, we’ll see Pence lend a hand
shove it up Donald’s butt,
where each flatulent ‘Phutt!’
will result in those close getting tanned.

Spiders. Little Miss Muffet Limerick For Gender Equality

Friday, March 13th, 2020

There was a young girl who attracted
an ugly old hairy arachnid.
Now, to just run away
would not save the day,
but a big stick to give him a whack did.

This Limerick is a re-telling of the rhyme “Little Miss Muffet” for the age of gender equality.

Thanks to Geoffrey Hill for that.

State of the Union Limerick

Thursday, February 6th, 2020

As Donald Trump tightens his grip,
and impeachment’s no more than a blip,
each Democrat caucus,
gets more and more raucous,
and Nancy Pelosi lets rip.

‘God Sent us Trump’ Limerick

Saturday, February 1st, 2020

Though Trump is an ignorant boomer,
and tougher to tame than a tumour,
the fact that this goof
rules the U.S. is proof
that god has a weird sense of humour.

Harry In Vancouver Limerick

Tuesday, January 21st, 2020

Prince Harry’s no longer a mover;
he lives in suburban Vancouver.
His own socks he’s stitching,
he cooks in the kitchen,
and is learning the joys of the Hoover.

Hal and Meg Limerick (2)

Thursday, January 16th, 2020

When Harry and Meg say goodbye
to detractors who spat in their eye,
I wish them the best
as they flee from the nest
with a whiskey and Canada Dry.

New Year Resolution Limerick

Thursday, January 16th, 2020

On New Year I vowed that the mounds
of fat would in leaps and in bounds
melt away in the gym
as I strove to get slim,
but alas I’m still piling on pounds.

Piers Doubles Down

Tuesday, January 14th, 2020

Piers Morgan is feeling quite pissed,
so Harry and Meghan he’s dissed.
His motive has been
to suck up to the Queen
to appear on the next honours’ list

A Swimmer Called Mark

Wednesday, January 8th, 2020

There once was a swimmer named Mark,
Who one day encountered a shark,
He suggested a race,
But the fish beat his pace,
And the water around them went dark.

Thanks to Terry Akee for this.

Kim Jong Un Limerick

Thursday, January 2nd, 2020

Kim Jong Un’s awesome attributes fill me
with pride and his mighty deeds will me
to say he’s the best,
it’s a loyalty test –
if I don’t he’ll send someone to kill me.

Sydney Bridge Limerick

Tuesday, December 31st, 2019

Though in Sydney the air makes you choke,
every sheila and brash Aussie bloke
still insists you should go
to their firework show
even if you can’t see through the smoke.

BoJo On Holiday Limerick

Wednesday, December 25th, 2019

The men of Westminster aren’t hunks,
in fact most are ugly old skunks;
so please do not leak
any pics from Mustique
of BoJo attired in his trunks.

Donald At NATO Meeting Limerick

Saturday, December 7th, 2019

At Donald, the world leaders sneered,
though he thought himself greatly revered;
and when he found out,
he started to pout
and in a big sulk disappeared.

Queen’s Passing Limerick

Saturday, December 7th, 2019

The Queen heard the country was fearing
a change of the monarch was nearing,
and when she found Charley,
things got rather gnarly,
for Charles had been whooping and cheering.

Boris Johnson Interview Limerick

Friday, December 6th, 2019

When Boris was swapped for some ice,
he said that the stunt was not nice.
And now Andrew Neil
has made a new deal,
but the PM’s response is: “No dice!”