A Swimmer Called Mark

January 8th, 2020

There once was a swimmer named Mark,
Who one day encountered a shark,
He suggested a race,
But the fish beat his pace,
And the water around them went dark.

Thanks to Terry Akee for this.

Kim Jong Un Limerick

January 2nd, 2020

Kim Jong Un’s awesome attributes fill me
with pride and his mighty deeds will me
to say he’s the best,
it’s a loyalty test –
if I don’t he’ll send someone to kill me.

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Sydney Bridge Limerick

December 31st, 2019

Though in Sydney the air makes you choke,
every sheila and brash Aussie bloke
still insists you should go
to their firework show
even if you can’t see through the smoke.

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BoJo On Holiday Limerick

December 25th, 2019

The men of Westminster aren’t hunks,
in fact most are ugly old skunks;
so please do not leak
any pics from Mustique
of BoJo attired in his trunks.

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Donald At NATO Meeting Limerick

December 7th, 2019

At Donald, the world leaders sneered,
though he thought himself greatly revered;
and when he found out,
he started to pout
and in a big sulk disappeared.

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Queen’s Passing Limerick

December 7th, 2019

The Queen heard the country was fearing
a change of the monarch was nearing,
and when she found Charley,
things got rather gnarly,
for Charles had been whooping and cheering.

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Boris Johnson Interview Limerick

December 6th, 2019

When Boris was swapped for some ice,
he said that the stunt was not nice.
And now Andrew Neil
has made a new deal,
but the PM’s response is: “No dice!”

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Merry Christmas, Mr. Trump

December 6th, 2019

Said Donald: “Each year goods are sent
here for free by a white-bearded gent.
But this loophole I’ll close
and on Santa impose
a tariff of twenty percent.”

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Princess Anne Limerick

December 6th, 2019

The Queen advised Anne: “With a guest
we must always behave at our best.
Don’t be rude, be polite,
show not one ounce of spite,
even if he’s a miserable pest.”

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Grand Tour Limerick

November 28th, 2019

Said Jeremy Clarkson: “In light
of my ratings not being alright,
I’ll act like a churl
and blame a young girl
for the fact that The Grand Tour is shite.

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Prince Andrew Limerick

November 24th, 2019

Prince Andrew is in the s@$t deep,
for the whole world believes him a creep.
And even the Queen,
after what she has seen,
has labelled her son a black sheep.

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Arise, Sir Nige

November 13th, 2019

Said Nigel: “Let’s dust off the swords
and tell all our Brexiteer hordes
to go out and vote
lest I’m given a note
to say I’ve a place in the Lords.”

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Rebels on a Train Limerick

October 27th, 2019

Before the commuters had blinked,
men mounted the train with arms linked.
Then the transport delay
caused a violent affray
and the guys almost wound up extinct.

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Mars Limerick

October 16th, 2019

When Viking 2 launched for the stars,
its landing was met with hurrahs!
And with signs that there’s life
myself and the wife
are now thinking of moving to Mars.

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Black-Face Limerick

September 30th, 2019

His black-painted face was inciting;
the media commentary biting.
And so in the end
he plumped to defend
the photos by blaming poor lighting.

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Boris Legs It Limerick

September 17th, 2019

In Luxembourg, Boris’s smile,
lasted only a very short while.
At the sound of, “No Brexit”,
he made for the exit
and ran a proverbial mile.

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Royal Budget Flight Limerick

August 24th, 2019

Though William and Kate are celebs,
and their plane carried Kylie and Debs,
the twain didn’t meet
because each royal seat
was kept well away from the plebs.

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Hal and Meg Limerick

August 21st, 2019

Though they warn us about acid rain,
and world temperature’s getting insane,
Prince Harry and Meg
must be pulling our leg,
for they constantly travel by plane.

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A$AP Rocky Limerick

July 30th, 2019

A$AP Rocky believed that he could
keep from jail after doing no good;
but like President Trump,
he came down with a bump
when the Swedes said: “This isn’t your hood.”

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Cricket Final Limerick

July 18th, 2019

The English were caught in a fix
as their batsmen fast ran out of tricks,
then when Stokes ran for two
an outfielder threw
and deflected a fortunate six.

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Women’s World Cup Limerick

July 12th, 2019

Alas, when it came to the crunch,
the USA ate us for lunch.
But this talented team,
though they played like a dream,
are a highly unlikable bunch.

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Diplomatic Cables Limerick

July 12th, 2019

The White House was angered a lot
by messages leaked by some clot.
And as was expected,
once Trump had reflected
he threw all his toys from his cot.

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Royal Nanny Limerick

July 2nd, 2019

Misfortune’s when one nanny quits,
and it’s tough if a second one gits.
But now we have heard
of the loss of a third,
which means Meghan and Hal are the pits.

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Dictator Bromance Limerick

July 2nd, 2019

Said Donald: “True love’s when I see
darling Vladimir seated by me.
Yet nothing can beat
a photo-op meet
with dear Kim in Korea’s DMZ.”

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The Camberwell Mystery Limerick

June 28th, 2019

Was it things that go bump in the night,
or an earthquake’s formidable might?
I have to confess
that it’s anyone’s guess
coz Boris’s lips are shut tight.

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