Was it things that go bump in the night,
or an earthquake’s formidable might?
I have to confess
that it’s anyone’s guess
coz Boris’s lips are shut tight.
The Camberwell Mystery Limerick
June 28th, 2019Trump State Visit – 3
June 4th, 2019It seems Boris Johnson’s a man
who Trump deems a genuine fan;
so he gave him the nod
coz they’re peas in a pod
and a Mini-Me’s part of Trump’s plan.
Trump State Visit – 2
June 4th, 2019The Palace staff thought it a joke
when the White House liaisoning folk
said: “In order to feed
Donald Trump, all you need
is hamburgers, fries and a Coke.”
Trump State Visit – 1
June 4th, 2019Said Donald, “Till now I’ve been seen
to be uncouth and greedy and mean.
But today I’ve arrived,
coz I’ve gone and contrived
to sit down and have tea with the Queen.”
Everest Traffic Jam Limerick
May 30th, 2019From the Top of the World is a view
that has only been seen by a few;
but now all’s not fine
coz the peak has a line
that is worse than a post office queue.
Trump In Japan Limerick
May 29th, 2019Said Donald: “This ain’t food for guys;
eating sushi and seaweed surprise
might be good for a man
who was born in Japan,
but I need my burgers and fries.”
EU Parliament Vote Limerick
May 29th, 2019Said Nigel: “I’m having a ball,
watching Tory and Labour seats fall,
and cometh the hour,
when I am in power,
these traitors are first ‘gainst the wall.”
Milkshake Limerick
May 22nd, 2019Both Tommy and Nige were forlorn
and believe that a line must be drawn;
for though milkshakes taste good,
it must be understood,
they’re for drinking and not to be worn.
MS’s LGBT Sandwich Limerick
May 7th, 2019Piers Morgan had oodles to say
on a sandwich he claimed to be gay;
and yet his obsession
gave folks the impression
he’ll emerge from the closet one day.
Brexit Party Limerick – 2
May 5th, 2019Said Nigel: “My party’s a club
with nationalist thought at its hub.
And we often debate
in a falling down state
over ten pints of beer down the pub.
Brexit Party Limerick
May 5th, 2019Farage may appeal to his base
who want Brexit to come on apace.
But how can you vote
for a bleating old goat
with a rubbery, muppet-like face?
Brexit Halloween Limerick
April 12th, 2019The deal says on All Hallow’s Eve,
the E.U. we’re destined to leave.
But like ghosts which they say
are abroad on that day,
it seems too far-fetched to believe.
… and in Brexit News
April 12th, 2019So ‘Brexit means Brexit’, but then,
while this limerick’s contents I pen,
the flummoxed EU
still haven’t a clue
about Brexit’s mysterious ‘when’.
Brexit Talks Limerick
April 2nd, 2019Says Bercow, “If Brexit talk fails
to make progress no faster than snails,
to cut Britain’s loss,
a coin I shall toss;
to leave, or remain – heads or tails?”
Misgendering Limerick
March 23rd, 2019I misgendered a ‘him’ as a ‘her’
and was labelled on Facebook a cur;
so I’ve vowed from this day
that my posts will now say
‘Hello to you Miss, Ma’am or Sir.’
Shutdown Limerick
January 27th, 2019Said Trump: “I was having a ball
with the shutdown to build me a wall.
But now it’s a race,
to stop losing face,
so it may end up just one foot tall.”
Naked Dining Limerick
January 10th, 2019A restaurant serving up food
for diners who ate in the nude,
went bust when they saw
I had walked through the door,
and everyone eating there spewed.
Primordial Planetesimal Limerick
January 4th, 2019As deep into space Mankind goes,
a weird looking object arose;
and I must theorise
from its shape and its size,
it’s a booger sneezed out of God’s nose.
Christmas Dinner Limerick
December 30th, 2018At Christmas a guest often pouts
when the table at dinner time touts
not the turkey – that’s fine!
nor roast tatties – divine!
but a mountain of foul-smelling sprouts.
Return To Negotiations Limerick
December 13th, 2018To Europe, where May showed some pluck,
though the door to her limo got stuck;
this seemed quite symbolic,
since Brexit’s shambolic,
of a country that’s mired in the muck.
Whitehall Fracas Limerick
December 12th, 2018In the Chamber ’twas such a disgrace
when somebody high-jacked the mace;
and once he’d abused it
they should then have used it
to wallop the chap in the face.
O2 Outage Limerick
December 9th, 2018I shouldn’t have chosen O2,
the service provided is poo,
for I wish to refrain
from engaging my brain,
which an outage of wifi can do.
Trump Photo-Op Limerick
December 3rd, 2018“Sharing stages with dumb heads of state
for photos,” says Donald, “can wait.
So rather than linger,
I’ll give them the finger,
since sharing is something I hate.”
https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-marches-off-g20-stage-084300474.html
Christmas Dinner Limerick
December 1st, 2018Christmas dinner will be rather tame;
I’ve turned vegan, so I am to blame.
No more flesh of turkey,
Nor of Pinky and Perky;
Instead, tofu cutlets – how lame!
Brexit Forecast Limerick
November 29th, 2018We munch on our scones and sip tea,
and wonder how Brexit will be.
So it’s lucky this pile
of rocks is an isle,
for we’re bound to end up all at sea.
M & S Window Display Limerick
November 21st, 2018While one group of activists bickers,
and another group childishly snickers,
we ask M&S
to undo their mess
and instantly take down their knickers.
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-46279172
New Press Conference rules
November 17th, 2018“Reporters,” said Sarah, “must stop,
catching President Trump on the hop;
so on Press Conference days
keep your voice full of praise
or he’ll pout and walk out in a strop.”
Rain Man
November 16th, 2018Said Donald: “I have a great flair
at milking publicity’s glare.
So the last thing I crave
is to visit some grave
in a downpour that mucks up my hair.”
Samantha Markle Limerick
October 8th, 2018Said Samantha: “The nuptial bash
of my sister was absolute trash;
for papa and myself
were left on the shelf
when we’d hoped to make oodles of cash.”
Crib Note For Donald
August 27th, 2018Top left, there’s an oblong that’s blue;
add to this fifty stars, white in hue.
Then to offset the stars,
longitudinal bars,
six white, seven red, straight and true.