New Press Conference rules

November 17th, 2018

“Reporters,” said Sarah, “must stop,
catching President Trump on the hop;
so on Press Conference days
keep your voice full of praise
or he’ll pout and walk out in a strop.”

Rain Man

November 16th, 2018

Said Donald: “I have a great flair
at milking publicity’s glare.
So the last thing I crave
is to visit some grave
in a downpour that mucks up my hair.”

Samantha Markle Limerick

October 8th, 2018

Said Samantha: “The nuptial bash
of my sister was absolute trash;
for papa and myself
were left on the shelf
when we’d hoped to make oodles of cash.”

Crib Note For Donald

August 27th, 2018

Top left, there’s an oblong that’s blue;
add to this fifty stars, white in hue.
Then to offset the stars,
longitudinal bars,
six white, seven red, straight and true.

Putin – Trump Summit Limerick

July 16th, 2018

Said Donald, “My dear, darling Poots,
Perhaps we could wear matching suits;
and then, with my tongue,
once your praises I’ve sung,
I’ll happily lick clean your boots.”

World Cup Limerick – 11

July 16th, 2018

The Three Lions’ loss was a wrench;
for the final we sat on the bench.
But once all is told,
fortune favours the bold,
so congrats to the fabulous French.

Trump In Britain Limerick

July 14th, 2018

At Windsor, the Donald, I see,
is meeting the Queen as the key
to a national trade deal,
though it seems most Brits feel
they’d rather she spat in his tea.

World Cup Limerick – 10

July 14th, 2018

Though England’s World Cup run’s a boon,
with the rarity of a blue moon,
it has to be said,
our dreams are now dead,
and it will not be coming home soon.

World Cup Limerick – 9

July 10th, 2018

So England are in the last four,
and we’ve now heard the three lions roar.
So come Wednesday night
we hope for the sight
of them showing the Croats the door.

World Cup Limerick – 8

July 6th, 2018

When the England team got on their bus,
they started to swear and to cuss.
For Colombian flair
had proven unfair
and won them more Oscars than us.

Litterate Prezidant Limmarik

July 6th, 2018

Mi righting scills offen kreate
much jelasy, envey and hayte.
So inn sbite of thoz terds
hoo put doun my werds,
isle still mayk Amerika grate.

World Cup Limerick – 7

July 6th, 2018

Alas! It seems Neymar’s laid low;
to Brazil’s World Cup hopes it’s a blow;
and there’s palpable fear
he’ll be out for a year –
for he’s just gone and stubbed his big toe.

Weird Asteroid Limerick

July 2nd, 2018

The ast’roid that left us agog
looked like something that floats in the bog.
So perhaps from the loo
of the Enterprise crew
what we saw was the famed ‘Captain’s log’.

World Cup Limerick – 6

July 2nd, 2018

The French match brought copious tears
to the Argentine players whose fears
of a loss came to pass,
so we all raised a glass
in England and broke out the beers.

World Cup Limerick – 5

June 30th, 2018

The Belgians, they beat us one-nil,
which might seem the bitterest pill;
yet it opens the door
to an easier draw
where we won’t be the grist to the mill.

World Cup Limerick – 4

June 30th, 2018

The German’s were very hard put
‘gainst Korea, always on the wrong foot.
So alas, at full time,
coz they weren’t at their prime,
their World Cup campaign was kaput.

World Cup Limerick – 3

June 26th, 2018

The England team’s strength was imposed,
and poor Panama duly disposed.
Then because they got trounced,
they quickly announced:
“The canal, to the British, is closed.”

Father’s Day Limerick

June 18th, 2018

It’s long been an annual fad
for every lassie and lad
to send out a card,
so from this humble bard
I say, “Thank you for being my dad.”

World Cup Limerick – 2

June 17th, 2018

The World Cup’s grand op’ning was heard
‘cross the world, though a strange thing occurred.
while performing with flair,
with his show live on air,
Robbie Williams flipped us the bird.

Airport Bar Limerick

June 15th, 2018

The barmen don’t earn a high wage,
so a go slow they constantly stage.
If they don’t serve me soon,
I swear I might swoon,
or else I could die of old age.

World Cup Limerick – 1

June 15th, 2018

The wait for the World Cup is done,
with a month full of footballing fun.
But if you’re Brazilian,
it’s one to a zillion
you hope you’re not thrashed seven-one.

D-7 Limerick

June 13th, 2018

The G-7’s rather passé,
and this losery groups had its day.
So I’m ditching those haters
and asking dictators
to join my D-7 today.

Dotard and Rocket Man Summit

June 13th, 2018

One oddly coiffed, one oddly shorn,
on which one looks worse, I am torn;
and if Kim should dare
to mock Donald’s hair,
it could end up scissors at dawn.

G-7 Limerick

June 13th, 2018

The G-7’s needing a fix,
for Trump has been up to his tricks;
and with tariffs galore
world trade is at war,
so next year it might be G-6.

Correspondents’ Dinner Limerick

May 1st, 2018

Said Trump: “Some dumb broad making jokes
doesn’t please us Republican folks;
so just out of spite
I’ll watch TV tonight,
in bed with my burgers and cokes.

Trump UK Visit Limerick

April 26th, 2018

A trip to the UK by Trump
(that miserable, orange-haired grump),
with its protests galore
will result in the boor
metaphorically kicked in the rump.

Royal Birth Limerick

April 24th, 2018

“How thrilled and excited are we!”
said the Queen over afternoon tea.
“For Will’s wife, Duchess Kate,
has concluded the wait
and delivered up sprog number three.”

Christmas With The Queen Limerick

April 12th, 2018

One’s Christmas day does tend to sour,
when the grand kids leave Phil looking dour;
and I have to confess
when they cause a big mess
that I lock up the brats in the Tower.

Oh, Gawd!

March 30th, 2018

I don’t want to sound like a bore,
but the language of some chefs is poor.
Though your kitchen be hell,
please refrain from the yell
of: “The food you’ve served up’s f$#@ing raw.”

Off The Map Limerick

March 18th, 2018

Kim Jong-Un is a curious chap,
who likes to put Trump in a flap;
so he makes sure it seems
North Korea has the means
to wipe the U.S. off the map.